


Plus Ca Change

by Stasia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, not as straight as he thought he was, sexuality change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 03:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stasia/pseuds/Stasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes dreams turn out to be real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plus Ca Change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celandine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/gifts).



> This was written for a holiday fest in 2011 as a gift for CelandineB.

Prologue 

_You're in a hallway and you stand, shaking your head. Hadn't you been somewhere else just a minute ago, somewhere dark and unhappy? You look around, but even the memory of the other place is fading. Surely, surely there'd been someone looking at you, something important you'd had to do._

_The hallway is long and unevenly lit. It's not white, but you don't know why it would be, why you have a flicker of amusement that it isn't. The walls are a dingy cream marked with strange stains; some almost appear to be crawling between the doors._

_You try the knob on the closest door; locked. After a long moment staring down the corridor in one direction and the other, you shrug and start walking, choosing to go left. Every so often, you try another doorknob, but they're all locked. Eventually, you get tired and stop, closing your eyes and rubbing your face. As you run your fingers through your hair, you notice something strange. The hair at your neck is wet. When you pull your hands away to look at them, the right one is covered in thick blood._

_Startled, you plunge your fingers back into your hair to see if you can find the wound, but there's nothing - your scalp is fine. Your fingers slide down your neck, but other than a strange shivery feeling on the right side, there's nothing which would have made you bleed._

_You double check your hands - still bloody._

_Well._

_"You're lucky that wounds don't come through, you know," a voice says behind you._

_You yelp and spin around, wishing you had your wand. Wand? Why would you have a wand?_

_The voice had come from a young man with dark hair brushing his shoulders and grey, fathomless eyes. He was leaning on one shoulder against the nearest door behind you, his arms crossed over his chest._

_He tipped his head to the side. "You have no idea what's happened, do you? Merlin. The irony just burns."_

_You cross your own arms and stare at him, unwilling to expose yourself further. That yelp was humiliating enough, thank you very much. "Well, since you seem to know so much, why not share?"_

_He laughed, a short barking sound, and shoved away from the door. "I am. I mean, I'm about to. That's why I'm here." He paused and looked around. "You couldn't have made someplace more exciting to have this conversation?"_

_You continue to stare at him; if he's going to be cryptic, you might as well just keep walking. Just as you're about to turn and continue, leaving him behind, he shakes his head._

_"Okay, Sna... Severus. It's like this," he begins, but then there's a rumbling sound in the direction you've been walking away from and he glances over his shoulder. "Ah. Less time than I'd thought. Okay." He takes your arm, just slides his hand into the crook of your crossed arms and starts walking, continuing away from the rumbling sound. You don't fight him off, more from shock than anything else._

_"So, what do you remember?" His voice is even, but he tugs on you slightly._

_"Remember?"_

_His eyes flash towards you, then away. "From before. From where you were." Your silence seems to amuse him, because he barks his laugh again. "Right. That's told me." The rumbling starts again and he mutters under his breath. "This'll take more time than we've got. I'll have to hurry."_

_He pulls his hand out from your arm and steps in front of you. "You're free now, Severus. That's the most important thing. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want. You'll have to go back, at least once, but that's it." He pauses and his eyes search your face, then he sighs heavily. "None of this means anything to you right now, but you'll remember it when you need to."_

_He turns and starts walking again. "Come on", he says. "Keep up. We don't have much time."_

_"You keep saying that, but then you don't tell me anything useful", you retort. "Where are we? What happened, before? I mean, wherever it is that I... we came from. Why is there blood in my hair and down my side, but there's no wound? You said they don't come through, but come through from where? And how injured am I, there?"_

_He pulls up as you continue to layer question on top of question, his expression amused and tolerant. "Okay, Severus. I guess we've gone far enough along." He glances around and you follow his gaze. The walls have changed color - they've become colored, in fact. They're now a strong green, unstained and smooth. The doors are more prominent as well; instead of just flat interior doors like those in the corridors at your Muggle primary school, they're dark wood with brass fittings and heavy decorative jambs._

_"This is mostly my fault, you see", he begins. "Well, mine and Prongs', but he's off with Lil and I wanted to talk to you anyway. I started this when we were in Potions that last year." He smiles at your blank face and shrugs. "You'll remember when you go back. However, you can fix it - there's a way out, if you just look in the right place. The book we used is still in the Restricted Section. If Madame Pince hasn't moved it, it's on the last shelf in the far back, near that little study room we used to sit in."_

_He looks at your face and smiles again, only this time it looks sad. "I'm sorry we never let you sit with us, never got to know you. You'd have been a great Marauder." He runs a hand down the back of his head. "Anyway, the book has a green cover with yellow writing. You'll know it when you see it. You'll need to get Moony to help you - he's the last of us and he's involved anyway."_

_He glances around; his expression is something you can't quite understand. He almost looks as if he were ashamed, but why would a stranger (because it doesn't matter how much he says he knows you, you've never seen this man in your life) be ashamed? After a long silent moment, the man looks you straight in the eyes again and reaches out to you, his face now a confusing mixture of determination and hesitation. To your surprise, he enfolds you in a hug, his arms wrapping all the way around you, his body full and warm against yours._

_You can't remember the last time anyone touched you, let alone hugged you. You feel something tighten in your chest; the twinge of it makes you catch your breath. He lets you go as you hitch air past the squeeze in your lungs._

_"This is your door," he says. "It was good talking to you." He turns the knob on the door on the right and pushes you through it. The last thing you feel is his hand warm between your shoulder blades and the last thing you see is his eyes, the grey light and sparkling now. "Give 'em hell, Severus."_

* * *

1998

Remus looked at Shacklebolt and swore. "You have got to be fucking shitting me. There's no way that's legal." He pushed up from his chair and crossed his arms. "Severus was working for Albus the whole time – you have Harry's word for that as well as the memories he let you see. And now you're telling me you can't get him a fucking acquittal posthumously? Have you learned _nothing_ from Fudge and Scrimgeour?"

Shacklebolt leaned back in his own chair. "I can't get him acquitted, Remus, because he hasn't been tried. As he is now dead, he can not ever be tried. I can get him – or try to – a Pardon, but it'll take a little time to see Her Majesty. Her calendar is still full from the ugly business in France last year."

"Still? It's been nearly a year. However, it's not as if it would have to be a long interview with her. He's clearly morally innocent, no matter what you all want to think." 

"Why are you so upset about this? You two weren't friends, so why do you care so much?" Shacklebolt glanced at the pile of scrolls on his desk and Remus knew he wanted him to just quit asking.

Remus threw up his hands. "Because someone has to care. Because it's important that everyone's efforts are remembered? Because that man saved us all with his hard work and his sacrifice has been ignored in the ugliest of ways?" He glared at Shacklebolt. "Because it's time we stopped pretending that simply being a Slytherin is a bad thing. There are four Houses for a reason, Kingsley, and the current prejudice against Slytherin is part of the problem we're – the whole Wizarding World – is having."

Shacklebolt sighed. "I'll try to get an appointment with Her Majesty next week, Remus." He paused then gestured at the chair Remus had shoved aside when he stood up. "Sit down. There's something else I want to talk to you about."

Remus crossed his arms again and sat down. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm down. He didn't know exactly why he was so upset about the way Severus was being (un) memorialised; he'd originally planned to ask if Shacklebolt could get Severus' name taken off the lists of Death Eaters. Somehow, as he was walking from the office door to the chair he now sat in, his reasonable and collected request had changed itself into an impassioned rant against current events.

"As you know, I spent much of the last year working for the Muggle Minister," Shacklebolt began, his deep voice even slower than usual. "What you don't know is that I'm a half-blood." At Remus' twitch, he smiled. "Yes, I know, I heard that part of your speech as well. That's why I think you're the right person to talk to about this." He leaned forward. "You see, there's a new position I want to set up, one with the Muggles. I'm beginning to think you're just the man for the job."

* * *

Remus stood at the front of a small room; his audience was five Members of Parliament, the Heads of MI-5 and -6, a member of the Royal Family and the Minister for Magic. Shacklebolt was sitting at the very back of the room and as Remus took a deep breath, he grinned and gave him a big thumbs up. Remus just hoped that his confidence wasn't misplaced. Why had anyone thought that he would be the right person for this crazy venture?

"I'm here to discuss with you a very important part of the country and the world, that you are unfamiliar with. This is something you might find hard to accept at first, but we think it's time for a greater integration." He paused, seeing the various expressions of boredom on the faces before him.

"I am aware of how this will sound, but please, allow me to explain everything as I go." He pulled his wand out of his sleeve and took a deep breath. "I am a Wizard. I am a member of a small group of people who can perform magic." The faces looking at him had changed from bored to annoyed. He smiled slightly – this wasn't going to be quite what the people in the room expected – and waved his wand. 

" _Relashio_ " A jet of red and blue lights flew from the tip of his wand.

Three hours later, he and Shacklebolt sat in the reception area of Remus' new office. There were only three chairs and a small side table in the room; it had clearly been long empty. Remus felt completely wrung out.

"That went well," Shacklebolt said, his deep voice amused. 

"You think so? What about when the Lib-Dem leader – Ashdown, right? What about when he nearly broke my wand, trying to find out how I'd got the firework up it? I figure we were lucky that MI-5 and -6 were interested or you'd be rescuing me from the Tower." Remus wished he were less tired so he could put enough energy into his wrath.

"I do. We – _you_ – have a lovely large office, a nice middling sized budget and the beginnings of a working political relationship with several important people." Shacklebolt stretched his legs out. "It's a good start." He fell silent and they sat still for a while, then he sat up. "I'm hungry. Are you? How about pizza? There's a nice place just 'round the corner."

Remus laughed and struggled to his feet. "That sounds fine. Only, if you get pineapple, it had better not be on my half." 

After they'd devoured most of the pizza, Remus turned to Shacklebolt. "I've been thinking, about the office. I think I'd like to have a portrait of Severus Snape for it. It seems only fair – he'd have been a beneficiary of what we're trying to do here."

Shacklebolt looked at him for a minute, then said, "Sure. I'll see if there isn't a painter who needs the commission. Muggle or Wizarding?"

"Muggle, I'd think," Remus replied. "Integration is good, but there will be people in and out of the office who might not be ready for a moving – speaking! – portrait of Severus watching them."

Shacklebolt laughed. "Too right."

_**2000** _

Severus stepped inside the publishing offices in an anonymous looking building in London and slipped his wand up his sleeve. He'd thought about using Polyjuice Potion, but decided that having to drink it once an hour would be too much trouble. Fortunately, he knew several spells to make himself anonymous, but he was still uncomfortable walking around in London. He disguised the movement of hiding his wand by shaking out his umbrella; he'd cast _Impervio_ onto himself before he left the flat he was renting in Bedford of course, but he still needed the umbrella while he walked around the Muggle streets and it got wet. 

After checking in with the building concierge, he rode the lift to the correct floor and found his way to his editor's office. He'd met her before, but always somewhere else. Monica'd said that she had something to tell him, something she needed from him, and so he had to come into her office. He wasn't at all sure he liked the sound of that, but she hadn't given him any more information, so he was forced to come in regardless.

"Ah, Phillip," she said when he stepped into her office. She nodded at the young man who'd brought him there from the reception desk. "Thank you very much, Josh. I'll let you know when we go for lunch." After he walked away, she glanced up at Severus. "Have a seat."

He sat down, the muscles in his back tightening up. Was this going to be when she said that they'd changed their minds about selling his book? 

She watched him silently for a moment, then shook her head. "Adele said you were tense, but I had no idea it was this bad. Relax. Whatever you're worrying about, it's not going to happen. There's only good stuff coming up." She smiled brightly. "So, we've planned a small book tour for you, to start the book off; we're very confident that it will turn into quite a good seller, so we're thinking of a small party with some of the reviewers and other authors we're promoting and I wanted to make sure you were ready."

He raised an eyebrow. "You called me here to tell me that you're having a party? You couldn't have just sent me a note?"

Monica sighed. "I called you here to tell you about the book tour, to find out if there are any cities in particular you'd like us to either choose or avoid, and to discuss your attendance at the party."

"I won't be attending the party. I wasn't under the impression that social events would be required."

She looked at him steadily. "Phillip. You have written an outstanding book, one we here at Voyager expect to break publishing and sales records and make us all rather a lot of money. I assume you're interested in this as well?"

He crossed his arms and glared.

"Then you'll have to participate in the marketing and sales," she said, smiling at him blandly. "This is part of the whole process." She took in his crossed arms and stiff posture and started laughing. "Oh, Phillip. I'm so sorry. I was wrong, wasn't I? This is just about as bad as it can get for you, isn't it?" She came around her desk and leaned against it, facing him. "Look. The party won't be a big deal. There will only be about fifty people there and some of them will be other authors. I'll be there, and so will Adele. You'll have to talk to some of the reviewers, and it would be great if you could spend some time chatting with the Senior Editors from Harper, but that's really all. You just have to be there."

He leaned back in the chair. "I won't have to answer questions or give a – " he caught himself before he said, 'give a course'.

Monica tilted her head. "You're not going to be grilled or put on trial, here. It's an industry chat-up, so the reviewers have some idea who the authors are. We expect they'll like your book, but having them like _you_ is always helpful."

"Ah. Very well, then, as it seems I've no real choice in the matter."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's good. It's on the 17th, at 18:30, in the conference rooms downstairs on the third floor. Now, about the book tour dates," she sat back down behind her desk and tapped a few keys on her keyboard. "I can send you the tentative schedule – I don't remember if I have your email address. What is it again?"

"I don't have one." He felt himself tightening up again. He'd written the first half of the book on parchment with a quill before he'd finally got frustrated with the endless re-workings and scratchings out. He'd sent an owl to his mam about it and she'd unhelpfully told him to stop being such a backwards idiot and get a computer. It had taken him nearly a month to get used to the damned thing and now he was avoiding the increasingly sarcastic owls from his parents about getting an internet connection and email address and joining the current century. 

"Hmmm," Monica hummed. "Okay, then. Do you have a diary? I'd like to go over the dates and venues we have, so you can tell me if there's any conflict for you."

"Just give me the dates and I'll be there," he said. He knew he wouldn't have any conflicts – it wasn't as if he was doing anything else right now.

She eyed him, but did as he asked.

The next day he went directly to PC World and cornered the man in the computer section. Two hours later, he left the store with a new wireless router, several cables ('Just in case,' the salesman had said), a wireless printer with ink and paper, something the salesman said was a Flash Card (which looked suspiciously like a floppy drive some enterprising Wizard had _Reducio_ 'd), one book titled _The Internet for Dummies_ (the salesman had insisted it wasn't intended as an insult), two computer games that had looked interesting and software for a free ISP. The salesman had offered him a couple of options, but he'd chosen the one called Demon because it amused him.

* * *

Sounds from the party spilled out into the corridor to where Severus stood, gritting his teeth. He hadn't wanted to do this at all, but Adele had insisted. She'd said that it would be good for him, as a way to sell his book and as practice for interacting with people on the book tour. She'd said she'd meet him at the party, so at least he'd know two people there. After one last thought for the quiet orchard and potions business his parents had in Corfu, Severus lifted his head and drew his shoulders back. If he could face the imbeciles and cretins all those years at Hogwarts, he could stomach an evening with equally idiotic Muggles. 

At least these Muggles could help him professionally, something none of the Wizards he'd had to deal with had been able do, in the end.

At first, everything was just a confusing mass of people and movement. After a breath, he laughed; the chaos resolved into exactly the same sorts of groups as had happened in the faculty parties and, oddly, at Malfoy's evening events. There was a group of people near the centre of the room – those would be the Senior Editors and the people currying favor. At the side, near the food tables, were the people who were here only for the food mixed with people who were getting food for others in the room. He could see some small tables with equally small groups – those would be the cliques of specific editors or other power groups. 

The familiarity made him relax, so when Adele pulled herself out of the group in the centre, finding him at the food table gathering up prawns and something grey that the staff insisted he try (they were right, it was delicious), he was content to follow her back toward the Senior Editors and the reviewers and flunkies. He found that Muggle editors responded well to the manners he'd learned at Malfoy Manor; it was refreshing to be able to use those hard-won behaviours without having to worry about accidentally causing his own death, or that of others. By the time he and Adele had moved to the side of the group – he'd made some excuse about not having had any tea, so he had been looking forward to the catering – he could see that he'd made a very good impression. They ended up standing close to one of the small tables; this one had only two people sitting at it, but they seemed good friends.

"Phillip, you've been holding out on me," Adele said, her arms crossed, but her eyes sparkling. "You've never been so charming for me and I'm your agent!"

He smirked. "I wouldn't want you to think too highly of yourself." At her startled laugh, he shrugged and continued. "I can impress someone who needs his arse licked, but that's not my true personality." Adele laughed again. "As you well know," he concluded.

She shook her head. "You're incorrigible. Finish your food – have something to drink – and I'll remember your behaviour when it comes time to renegotiate our contract." She turned so her shoulder was next to his and they looked at the room together. "I know you don't enjoy things like this, Phillip, but giving you a book tour is a real vote of confidence in your book. I'm glad you're going along with it."

He glanced at her. "I had a choice?"

"Well," she said, smiling slightly. "It's not as if we could cast a spell and make you, you know."

"Ah." He took a sip of wine he'd chosen from the drinks table and hoped that hid his involuntary flinch.

"Anyway," she said brightly, "I've a couple of my other authors here, so I'm off to see them. Sit down somewhere and maybe you'll find someone else to talk to." She walked away, so he turned to the nearby table. 

"May I sit here?" 

The two people at the table, a heavy-set bearded man and a small woman, both dressed in casual Muggle clothes, looked up at him. "Only if you promise not to discuss writing," the woman said firmly.

To her right, the man laughed and said, "Too right. No writing and nothing to do with business, either."

Severus sat down across the table from them. "No writing or business. That is acceptable." 

He'd finished everything on his plate by the time the man said anything else. "Toady," the man snapped, and Severus' head lifted, his temper rising.

"What did you call me?" 

His table-mates jumped and he realised that they'd been watching the group in the centre of the room.  
"Oh, not you," the woman said, sounding a bit anxious. "We're just…"

Severus felt his temper shift to amusement. "You're just watching toadies. I've seen the type." He finished his wine. "So, how did I do, then?"

They looked at each other, a bit sheepishly. "You were quite good," the woman said. "You didn't seem to be sucking up at all." Severus raised an eyebrow and she turned pink. "No, really," she continued. "See? Look at that one there, the short bloke."

Severus turned to see, but the man she was indicating wasn't in his line of view so he shifted the two seats over until he was next to her. From this angle, he could clearly see the Senior Editor and the short bloke she'd mentioned. He was gazing up at the Editor with a look of wide-eyed wonder; Severus found himself reminded of Pettigrew's ugly adoration of Potter. "Yes," he drawled. "Toady." As they watched, the Senior Editor shifted away from the today a bit, his own expression carefully neutral. "He doesn't like it?" Severus asked.

The man shook his head. "Nope. He's the reason I'm still here." His companion elbowed him. "What? He is. I mean, here at Voyager." They both turned to look at Severus, who leaned back in his chair. Suddenly the man reached out a hand. "Hi. I'm John Spillers and this crazy wench is Alisa Plunkett."

Severus shook John's hand and nodded at Alisa. "I'm Phillip Robards." When they raised their eyebrows, he said, "What?"

Alisa shook her head, her expression sorrowful. "Not your pen name. What's your name?"

Severus opened his mouth to refuse, then changed his mind. "Severus Snape." 

John and Alisa looked at each other, then back at him. "That's less likely that Phillip Robards, but – " John started, when Alisa finished for him. "But then, that's how names work." She paused, then said, "Your parents were the creative sort, weren't they?"

Severus laughed, feeling suddenly lighter. "You could say that. I don't know that they would."

Alisa pushed her chair back. "I'm getting more to drink. If they're going to provide, I think we should show our appreciation." She glanced back at them. "I know John's a red man, but do you want red or white?"

"Oh, the white was passable." 

She nodded and threaded her way through the crowd. Beside him, John leaned a big arm on the table and sighed. "I hate these things. Too much schmoozing and not enough boozing." He turned towards Severus. "So, what do you write? I know Alisa said 'no writing', but she doesn't mean it, not really."  
By the time Alisa got back to the table, the two men were deep into discussing character research. 

* * *

_**2003** _

The main road continued through the village outside of Bedford, but Severus met the estate agent at the bottom of the unpaved road heading north into the woods and fields. She smiled as he approached. 

"Mr Robards, how nice to see you again. I hope you don't mind stopping here. I wanted you to see the full approach to the house from the Muggle side; of course, if you take this one, you'll be able to set the Floo and Apparation to your specifications, but this way you can see how it's situated with regard to the other people in the neighborhood." 

He nodded. "That is understandable." They turned and walked up the road, passing a small sign at the foot of the road which stated that it was restricted to residents only. He nodded at it. "How serious are the neighbors about that?"

She glanced over. "Oh, quite. This is a very exclusive area."

The road curved away from the village, rapidly becoming quiet and green. There were houses along the right side of the road, but nothing but a long field on the left. As they continued along, they entered a tree lined drive on the left which looped around to form a semi-circle in front of a long farm house. The house itself was mostly one story, but the part in back was two stories. There were several large buildings behind the house, and beyond those was a slightly over-grown back garden. At the very back of the property was a low dry-stone wall with a little wooden gate.

The field they'd been following ended halfway along the stone wall; the rest of the property was backed by the woods Severus had seen from the main road. Standing in the drive, looking down the side of the buildings to the back of the house, Severus knew that this was the one he wanted. 

" _Revelare_ ," the estate agent said, waving her wand at the property. As Severus watched, the house grew two small towers and an old stone out building. She turned and smiled at him. "There are several improvements to the interior as well. Shall we go look?"

* * *

Severus watched his mother move through the small orchard she and his father had taken over when they moved to Corfu. It was warm in the morning sun; the scent of the earth mixed with the sharp tang of lemons lost on the ground and the sweet odor of the lemon flowers themselves to make a heady wake up call. As he watched, she tumbled several lemons into the basket propped on her hip, then she moved on to the next few trees. These were new to the orchard – she'd planted them a few years after moving in. They were Buddha's Hand Citron, which, when Severus had first seen them, had been  
horrifying to him. Citrus fruit that looked like dead hands with too many fingers, all twisted and grasping. He'd been in no sort of mental state to perceive the fruits as anything but dreadful.

He could laugh about his previous fears and hysterical responses now, but he knew he'd been dangerously unstable for a very long time. With a mental shrug, he downed the last of his coffee, dropped the cup into the sink, and strode off after his mam.

"Let me hold the basket," he said, lifting it off her hip. 

She smiled at him and nodded. "I'll not argue with you, but don’t carry it. _Leviosa_ it. No reason for either of us to be weighed down. Oh, and while you're on that side of the tree, can you reach the top three, up there?" She pointed and he saw that the top of the tree hadn't been picked in a while. “I can’t get the cutting spell to turn the corner – if I’m not careful with it, I end up pruning the tree instead of picking the fruit.”

"One of them's gone over. Do you want that one picked or should I leave it on?" 

He heard her sigh. "Drop it on the ground – the tree will use it again."

They moved through the rest of the orchard, but when they came to the fig trees, he couldn't help but eat more than he put into the basket. She caught him at it and laughed. "You'll get sick if you eat all that! Don't come running to me to get a stomach calming potion when you get the runs."

He smirked at her. "I'll just make my own, if I don't have any in my bag."

They made it all the way to the nut trees before she spoke again.

"Are things any better there, back home?" She didn't look at him, but kept her head bent over the basket as nuts dropped into it.

He looked down at her. Her hair was grey now, and thin. She kept it wound into a tight braid whilst she worked on the plants, but inside, and when she wasn't working, she let it flow out over her shoulders the way he remembered it being as a child. "I'm doing much better, mam. I finally bought a house – you and da should come visit. I've been working on a new story – I'm still retelling the Goblin Wars, but it's fun to find the old things and make them interesting.” He paused as he moved to the next tree and began pulling the nuts off the side away from her. 

“The last time I did a signing in Birmingham, many of the Muggles asked questions about how I managed to think up such complicated wars. It makes me wonder if Wizards would recognise the wars or if they'd think I was making it all up." He smiled as nuts cascaded from Eileen's hands to the basket. 

She snorted. "You know Binns has ruined history for more than three generations now. It's a shame that the Governors of Hogwarts let him stay on." She wiped her forehead. "You could always apply for the job."

His answering snort made her laugh. "Right," he said, reaching for the apricots on the next tree and using his wand to put them gently into the smaller basket she handed him. "I don't think there's anything that could make me willingly go back to that old place. I've lost enough of my life to its dark hallways and ugly secrets."

They moved through the rest of the orchard together, working happily and quietly. Severus enjoyed the feeling of simple semi-physical labor, letting his body stretch and reach and bend without having to think about it. When he'd woken up at their house, years before, in the small bed in the dark, cool room at the back of the house, he'd barely been able to move at all. The years of neglect and fear, and of course, the damage done to him by the snake, had left him practically paralyzed. He'd spent months just lying down, either in the bed, or in one of the wooden chaise longues in the front garden.

He stood up from harvesting filberts from the bush's lower branches and twisted his back. His eyes caught on his mother, watching him with fondness. 

"I'm glad to have you back," she said. Her smile this time was bittersweet.

"I – " he paused. He'd never really talked about this and had thought they wouldn't ever talk about it. "I am sorry."

She nodded. "Yes. I'd figured that part out, well before you did, I think. Just – it's good to see who you are now." She turned to look out over the rest of their property. "I did think, for a while, that you'd never come back. Or, I mean..."

He nodded, but she couldn't see. "I didn't think there was a place to come to." He moved around the tree and stood next to her. She barely reached his shoulder and he looked down at her head. "I was very lost and then things just got worse. Even when I stopped being such a prat – " Her snort at his description made him smile. "Well, once I got over my ... bad phase, I thought you and Da wouldn't want me back."

She smiled, but he knew he'd have been right about his reception for much of the time he'd been entangled in Dumbledore's and Riddle's battle. 

"You're here now, and that's what matters." Her voice was firm and she slipped a hand into the crook of his elbow. "Now let's see what Toby's fixed us for breakfast. He'll have to get to the market soon. Those apricots'll spoil and I know Mrs Kouros down the road wanted to make jam. She'll buy us all out."

With a sensation of deep comfort, one he sometimes still didn't quite believe, he took his mam in to breakfast. 

* * *

Remus hitched the bag of groceries higher on his hip and struggled to fit the key into the lock on his front door. Ted leaned against the stone wall at the side of the garden and peered over it into the neighbor's. 

"Daddy! Mrs Harn's cat is out. Can I pet her? She likes me." He tried to fit his feet into the gaps in the stones, but his toes slipped. "Oh. She's run off. Daddy?"

Remus swung the door open and dropped his keys onto the low table just inside the door. "Yes, Ted? Come in. No, you can't go pet Buttons. You know she's not really friendly." He smiled as Ted left the wall and trotted to the door. "I'll make us some tea and you can tell me about today in class while I figure out something for dinner."

Ted let his bag drop to the floor next to his chair. "We were talking about families today. Do I have any cousins? Jane has seven cousins." 

Remus sighed as he filled the kettle. Questions like this always made him feel guilty, but Andromeda said he shouldn't. Life was what it was, she said, and while he mostly agreed with her, it was difficult to remember that rather distant policy when faced with his son's bright face and curiosity.

"No, pet, you don't have any cousins. You have a grandma, and you're named after your..."

"Granda, I know, I remember. I just wondered about cousins." He slid off the chair and rummaged in his school bag, finally pulling out a large piece of paper. He shoved the paper onto the table and then crawled back onto his seat. "We're gonna make self potrits. Miss Johnson said we had to," he paused, clearly trying to remember the right words. "We have to draw the basic shapes at home and we'll fill in the details at school." He smiled and his hair shifted from the brown that it was stuck in at school to a brilliant orange. 

Remus smiled back and set a plate of apple slices on the table in front of him. "Good. That sounds like fun. Why don't you have your snack first, though?" He slid the paper safely down the table and then brought the tea pot and mugs over from the kitchen. "What else did you do today?"

Later that night, after dinner time and bath time and story time and bed time, Remus shut Ted's door and leaned back against it. There were days when it seemed like all he had time to do was breathe in between jobs. He loved Ted, loved spending time with him, but being a single parent was exhausting. With a deep sigh, he shoved off the door and started down stairs. There was still work to do – he hadn't read that damned report the girl in the Muggle side of the office had sent over at the end of the day. 

Downstairs, he settled into his chair, flipped his laptop open, and reached out idly for his cup of tea. Which wasn't there – he hadn't made another pot after dinner. Sighing, he shoved the laptop away and moved into the kitchen. 

After filling the kettle, he leaned against the sink and looked out the window into the dark garden behind the house. When he realised he was staring blankly at his own reflection, he swore, spun away from the accusing dark and threw teabags into the teapot. "Give _over_ ," he snarled. "You've been lonely all your life – there's nothing new to it."

When he discovered that he'd forgot to bring in milk and sugar for his tea, he just bared his teeth at the tea cup and drank it black and bitter.

The next morning was a bit better. He'd read the report, made a few notes to give to the Wizarding Office when he forwarded the information and, as the report had been shorter than he'd expected, he'd got more sleep than usual. He woke feeling relaxed and, as he stretched his legs, he remembered shreds of dreams from the night before. 

He sat up in bed and glanced at his alarm pixie, who was still curled up sleeping. The little glowing numbers floating above her showed 6:23 am. Seven minutes wouldn't be enough time to get back to the dream, but he could at least lie warm and comfortable in bed for a few more minutes, picturing the dream place. 

He didn't always dream so clearly; mostly his dreams were the regular sort. He'd hated his Divination classes – James used to tease him about the dreams he'd made up in order to pass the class. He'd been quite pleased, in Fifth Year, to be able to quit taking the class altogether, although Sirius and Peter had stuck with it. About halfway through Seventh Year he'd started having odd dreams. 

He called them, in the privacy of his own head, Real Dreams. They had the feel of real events, real places. They didn't happen all the time and they didn't seem quite linear; sometimes they'd skip about, like standard brain's-washing-day dreams. They always seemed deeper, though, with richer colors and scents. At first, he'd thought they were a new manifestation of his lycanthropy, but he never found any information about other werewolves having anything other than bog-standard dreams.

They'd changed over time. When he was still at school, the dreams were also. The rooms he saw were never rooms he'd seen himself, but he shrugged that off as unimportant. There wasn't any reason dream rooms, no matter how 'real' the dreams seemed, should be actual rooms in his physical reality. Also, he allowed, he hadn't seen all of Hogwarts, no matter that the Map could show it all – they hadn't had to be in all the rooms for them all to show up on the Map. It was, after all, a magic Map.

At first, in the early years after James and Lily's deaths, the dreams had been still mostly at Hogwarts, but sometimes, in the summer, they'd be in other places. Once, he'd been flying above some place he'd never seen before, a rugged coast with lots of tiny little islets, some big enough to have low, wind–twisted trees on, others barely big enough to have thin coatings of moss and shrubs. In this dream, he'd smelt the sea, the funny bitter, salty tang of dying seaweed and old shells. He'd felt his arms swing wide, there, above the sea in the brisk cold wind. When he woke up, he turned over in bed, smile already starting, to tell the person he'd been flying with that he'd never seen such a beautiful place, but... but he was alone and as soon as he thought about the other person, he realised he didn't know who he'd been there with. There _had_ been someone, though. Someone he knew, knew well.

The alarm pixie sat up, shrilling, "Get up, get up getup ..." so he tapped her on the head. She smirked at him and curled back up. 

"Good to know someone's getting more sleep," he said, then he rubbed her head for a second. She rolled one eye open at him and smiled.

As he showered, he thought about the dream he'd woken up from this morning. The sun had been a strong yellow against creamy stone walls, and there were low trees with various fruits on them, and just past the edge of what seemed like an old orchard he could see the shimmery blue of the sea. One tree seemed to have fruits with long curving fingers, and the air had been scented with citrus and coffee. He'd heard laughter and conversation just around the corner, but every time he thought he was near the other people, there were more trees in his way. Finally he'd seen the corner of a low patio and had stepped through the last few trees – they smelt strongly of jasmine. He remembered the impression of three people, all tanned with dark hair, but he'd woken up before he could recognise anyone's face. 

With a sigh, he leaned forward and rinsed the shampoo from his hair. It was always like this; he always had a companion, but he never could see their face.

He saw Teddy off to his bus stop for primary school and walked to the coffee shop on the corner. There was a queue, so he stood watching the people in the shop. Edina was handling the register with her usual smile and this morning there were two other baristas behind the counter. 

He caught himself admiring the attractive rear view of the barista at the bar, pulling shots. To his surprise, when the barista shifted, it was a man. He swung around, showing strong muscular arms and a broad chest. He caught Remus' eye and winked, then lifted a double handful of milk jugs and walked into the back of the shop.

Remus was still completely flustered when he reached the head of the queue and asked for Tonks' favorite drink instead of his own. Edina smiled at him. 

"You haven't asked for a double caramel latte in years. Are you seeing her again?" 

Remus took a deep breath. "Ah. No, erm. No, I just was thinking of something else and got distracted." Over Edina's shoulder, he could see the male barista smirk down at the pitcher of milk he was steaming. "I think I need something strong today. I mean," he paused, rubbing his eyes. "I'll have a small coffee with two shots of espresso please, and room for milk." 

Three minutes later, Remus left the shop with his drink and the memory of the new barista's confusingly attractive smile. He walked down the small street the coffee house was on and turned right onto High Street. He shook his head, thinking he must need to get out more if he was getting this confused.

By the time he reached the Apparition Point behind the John Bunyan Museum, he'd finished his coffee, but he hadn't managed to distract himself from the barista.

A moment later and he was walking out from behind a large tree on the campus of the Chelsea College of Art and Design in London, near the Thames. He dropped his coffee cup into a bin as he walked off the campus. 

On the way through the streets, he passed a small bookshop which was new to the neighborhood. He hadn't managed to find time to stop in, even though he made a mental note to try it every time he passed by. Their window was always creatively decorated – the first week there had been several large papier-mâché 1's dangling from the ceiling; one had been done up with mirror shards like disco balls and others had been painted to look like stars. The rest of the little window space had been filled with books of 'First Times', 'First Meetings', and 'First Impressions', and the second week they'd had a beach scene with a paper backdrop painted to look like a tropical island paradise. The books had been an eclectic mixture of travel guides, trashy vacation books, and natural history books about volcanic islands.

This week the window was done up as a Medieval castle; the background was a beautiful painting of a stormy sky over a colourful sunset, with sharp mountains in the distance. There were lower models of mountains in the window itself and it looked as if one of the store employees had brought their child's entire model figure collection to fill the rest of it. Remus stopped and looked more carefully. There were what looked like Darth Vader figures – he thought that must be who the comparatively big guys at the front were, with dark cloaks – leading a charge of Tolkeinesque orcs up a valley, while a castle halfway up the tallest model hill was defended by a cadre of Buffy-style vampires being led by a Lego Indiana Jones.

Remus blinked and looked closer. He couldn't see any books in the window at all. With a laugh and a shaken head, he turned and walked on towards the white ziggurat style building on the corner. He couldn't imagine what book they were trying to promote, but it was certainly a creative effect.

"Hey, Remus," the guard at the door said as Remus swiped his card through the ID reader and sent his bag through the scanner. He stepped through the metal detector and lifted his bag. 

"Good morning, Roland," Remus responded, smiling. "Did you have a good weekend?"

Roland laughed a little. "Well, sure, for a weekday. I did get to get some riding in, and I took the family to see the Wolf Centre."

Remus paused. "Wolf Centre?"

"Yeah. There's this place in, er, Reading. It's not far, if you don't mind a little drive. Anyway, it was nice this time of year. Sally loved it. I think she wants to be a wolf when she grows up."

Remus laughed, a little tightly. "Kids are funny like that. Teddy still likes dinosaurs."

Roland smiled. "I did, at his age."

Remus nodded, waved, and continued down the corridor. He hadn't had any idea there was a Wolf Centre in England. Maybe he and Teddy could go – Andi might enjoy a weekend trip with them as well. 

After three turns, two lift rides and one last corridor, he reached his office door. The walls of this part of the building were a rich dark green and the door jambs were dark wood with gleaming metal fittings. He turned the knob and swung the door open.

The explosion of happy noise on the other side made him burst into a large smile.

"Remus!" His secretary Lydia, a non-Wizarding woman in her mid fifties with dark brown hair always pulled back into sensible buns, was sitting on her desk. She had a thick book in her lap and had clearly been teasing the Wizarding intern, Graham Pritchard, who was standing in the middle of the floor, glaring at her with amused frustration.

"Yeah, Remus," he said. "Make her share!"

Remus laughed and walked past them into his office. He remembered when he'd first seen the offices his department had been assigned and how worried he'd been that they were too big, too much, for what he was supposed to be doing. Now he had his eye on the office across the corridor; they needed more room and he liked keeping everyone close.

Lydia slid off the desk, and followed Remus into his office. He could hear her quick steps behind him, slightly overlaid by Pritchard's low voice asking her a question. 

"That meeting's been postponed," she responded. "The MP from Reading asked to meet on Monday next instead. We'll have to reschedule about three other meetings to make that work, but it's important. He's one of the backroom blokes for the Labour Party, so we need him on our side."

Remus sat on the edge of his desk. "Okay, so if we're not meeting with Salter, then we've a couple of extra minutes, right?"

Lydia and Pritchard nodded. Lydia was holding the thick book against her chest.

"So. That means you can tell me what was going on when I came in." He crossed his arms, trying to look stern. "I can't have my staff behaving like squabbling children. It's inappropriate behaviour from members of the staff of a Ministry Official."

They chuckled. 

"So," Lydia started, still not releasing, or showing, the book. "You know that book _Winter House_ – the one that came out three years ago? With the big war between the three different countries? The series is called _Breaking the Stone Houses_."

Remus thought for a minute. Three years ago he hadn't been reading much except childrens' books; Teddy had taken up most of the time he wasn't spending here in this office. After a couple of minutes, Pritchard shook his head.

"I can't believe you don't know it – it's the first of a series. It was _so cool_. It's set in the Muggle Medieval – "

"Don't use that word," Remus corrected, then he nodded. "Oh. Right, yes, of course. I know which one you're talking about. But, wasn't it really about the Goblin Wars? Like the author was retelling the First Goblin War, only using non-Wizarding fantasy creatures instead of real ones?"

Lydia grinned. "I think so, yes. It's fictionalised. The author, Phillip Robards, _must_ be a Wizard, but the story was changed for the non-Wizard audience." She dropped her hands so Remus could see the cover of the book. "The new one is out!"

Pritchard sidled up to her, hands reaching for the book. She let him have it this time, and grinned as he stared happily at the cover, where the title was picked out in silver: _Summer Gardens_. As he opened the cover and began to read the blurb on the inside of the jacket, she turned back to Remus.

"Seriously, though, Remus. He has to be a Wizard. Do you know who it is? I think we should have him come in; it would be great to talk to someone who's clearly bridging the divide so well."

Remus shook his head. "I've no idea who he is. I haven't had a chance to read the first one." He shifted against the desk. "You're sure it's the Goblin Wars? I remember reading something about it in the Prophet, but I was a little busy when the first one came out and I didn't have time for much recreational reading."

Lydia's face changed. "You haven't read it at all? I thought you were joking. I'll loan you my copy." She nodded at Pritchard. "He loved it, and all the people in the non-Wizarding side of the office did as well."

Suddenly Remus started laughing. "I just realised something. There's a book shop, over on Islip Road, I pass it on my way here from Bedford. Anyway, their window is – "

Lydia grinned at him. "Yep. They're where I got this one. It's not supposed to be out until tomorrow, but the guy who owns the shop is a friend of mine, so he let me have my copy a day early. Isn't that window _fantastic_?"

* * *

Severus hurried through the door into the pub. He hated being late. The barman looked up and smiled as he walked up to the bar. "Mr Robards, how nice to see you again. Your friends are in the back, as usual." Severus nodded. 

"Three pints of bitter, please, Neal, and a packet of cheese and onion crisps." Neal set three full glasses on the bar; Severus jiggled them together and started to lift them. Then he shook his head, shoved the top of the crisps packet into his teeth, and lifted the glasses carefully. Before he moved off, Neal caught his eye and laughed.

The booth he was aiming at was in the back corner of the pub. Most of the tables were small and crowded, but the booth had tall heavy wooden sides, so anyone sitting in it was assured of privacy. He threaded his way through the narrow aisles between the tables, and then slid into the booth with a sigh, sliding the three beers onto the table with practiced care.

"You're late," Alisa chirped. Her chin was in her hand and she was staring at the reflection of the rest of the patrons in the mirror at the back of the room. Severus glanced at her and rolled his eyes. 

"Still looking for someone to be your next victim?"

"No," she drawled. "I'm just looking at something more interesting than John, here."

Across the table, John chuckled. "She's not interested in you, dear," he said. 

Alisa glanced at him and smirked. "How would you know? She keeps looking back at me – she's clearly interested."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Alisa, she's a bar-maid and you're staring at her. Of course she's looking." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Now it's time for beer, dammit."

"Hear hear," chorused his friends. 

Severus drained half his glass and set it down with a sigh. "This damned book hates me." Alisa laughed and ripped open the crisps. "No, really," he continued. "I've done more research for this one than I had to for the other two put together and I still can't make the fucking thing turn out the way I need."

John laughed, bitterly. "You'll never get it perfect. Just try to get it onto the paper, haven't we taught you anything?" He spun his glass and took a sip. "What's the trouble? You can tell Old Johnny now."

Alisa smirked. "Don't let him fool you, Severus. He was complaining that he couldn't get his secondary lead to do what he needs to do."

Severus turned to John. "Do tell!"

John shoved his now empty glass away. "I'm done. I'm not writing any more. I give up."

"You say that every time and you never mean it." Alisa glanced at the three nearly empty glasses. "I'll go get us a refill. Severus, I expect you to have thumped some sense into John's thick skull by the time I get back." She glanced at the bar, then smirked at them. "Though, if I can get that cute girl to talk, I won't be back at all. Ta!"

As they watched Alisa move towards the bar, John and Severus started laughing. Severus slid over into where Alisa had been sitting and snagged a handful of crisps. "So, trouble?"

John shook his head. "Nothing I haven't written through before. I like winding Alisa up, though." They watched her chatting with the bar-maid. "I wonder if she'll ever settle down."

"Probably not. She enjoys the chase too much," Severus said, amused. He was less amused when John turned to look at him.

"You should find someone, you know," he said. 

"How many have you had?" Severus tipped the last dregs of his beer into his mouth and glared across the table.

"He's only had two, so whatever he's said he means," Alisa said, pushing a new glass in front of him. Behind her, the bar-maid was carrying two other glasses and some pork scratchings. Alisa slid into the booth next to John as the bar-maid put the glasses on the table and gathered up the empties. All three of them watched as she walked away; her tee shirt was tight and didn't quite reach the top of her jeans, which curved around her arse snugly. 

"Well," John said. "That's a nice thing to see on a Saturday evening." He sipped his beer. "I was telling Severus here that he should find a nice girl. Maybe a good hard shag would make him quit whinging about his story."

Severus spluttered into his beer glass. "I – what? I don't need to find someone. I'm fine."

Alisa shook her head. "You've been single for as long as we've known you. I don't even think we've seen you do more than look." She glanced at John questioningly, then both of them turned to look at Severus. He shifted, feeling a bit pinned.

"I don't need to date. I'm fine the way I am. I mean. There aren't any wit – women I want to date." He bit fiercely into one of the scratchings and chewed aggressively.

"Well, okay then," John crowed. "I've got it!"

Severus stared suspiciously, but suddenly Alisa sucked in her breath and started laughing.

"Of course," she said. "Maybe you should try boys!"

"You wanker," Severus snapped. "If I can't find any birds I want, why would I want a bloke?"

Alisa was laughing too hard to answer, but John said, looking serious, "Women are hard to date, you know, all hormonal and complicated." Beside him, Alisa smacked his arm, still chuckling. "Blokes are nice and easy. A quick pull once or twice a week and you're all set."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I haven't tried boys already?"

This just made his friends laugh again, so Severus gave in and laughed with them. He leaned back in the booth and stretched his legs. 

"And you're wrong, John. Men are just as difficult to date as women. I'd say it's a draw. For every bird who wants to know 'what you're thinking' there's a bloke who wants to know why you want to see him more than once a week."

Alisa leaned forward. "So you're _bi?_ "

He crossed his arms. "Yes. Why?"

She glanced at John. "Two things. One, John here owes me a tenner. Two, this means I can start introducing you to the blokes I know!"

Severus' head fell into his hands. "Oh no." Across the table, John was laughing so hard he was wheezing.

"It's too late, Severus. She's started now. You're in for months of bad dates."

* * *

_**2004** _

Teddy hopped up and down, carefully keeping in place, the way the guide had explained they needed to do. They'd all listened closely to the guide talk about wolves, their history in England and world-wide, and the current threats to their survival. Teddy asked if they could pet one, but hadn't seemed too disappointed when she'd said that they couldn't, as wolves weren't the same as the dogs they might have at home. 

"Wolves are wild animals," she'd said, smiling at Teddy's bright face. Remus ruffled Teddy's hair, Charmed to stay a neutral brown, and smiled down at him as well. "At the end of the walk, we'll have one of them sniff you. How's that?"

"She said you're a wild animal," Teddy said in what he thought was a whisper. Remus felt himself redden as the other adults on the tour glanced at him and chuckled. Beside him, Andromeda snorted. The guide turned a bit pink herself, then moved to the front of the group and led them off on the tour through the grounds. 

They followed along, Remus holding onto Teddy's hand to make sure that he didn't forget and go running off. As they stood watching one of the wolves sitting in the wood, Andromeda cleared her throat behind Remus. He sighed.

"You know, Remus, I've been thinking." Her voice was quiet. He turned and looked at her. She wasn't watching him; her eyes were on Teddy, who was still smiling up at the guide. "I think you should start dating again."

"Andi," Remus said, his voice tight. "This is not the time to talk about this. I don't want to … I loved…" He stopped, trying to keep his temper. 

She put a hand on his arm. "I know you did, Remus. But she's dead and there's nothing to do but go forward. Teddy needs someone else."

Remus felt himself go cold. He turned to her, trying to remain outwardly calm. Before he could loosen his jaw enough to say anything, she rushed on.

"Oh, I don't mean that you're not enough, that you're not a good father. I mean, it's good for children to have more than one parent. It's something you need as well. Remus," she paused, her hand still on his arm. "You've been alone most of your life, haven't you?" She looked directly into his eyes. "That's doubly sad for you."

"What do you mean?" he gritted out.

"Wolves are pack animals," came the voice of the guide. She gestured to the three wolves which could been seen just outside the tree line; two of the wolves were playing with each other while the third lay watching. It looked almost as if it was laughing at the others. "These three are all friends. The two playing, Latea and Lunca, are siblings – littermates, actually – and the third is from a different country, but she's settled in here. She made friends with the other wolves in the pack." 

Teddy had slipped away from Remus and Andromeda and was up near the guide. He stared avidly at the wolves. "Are all wolves friendly to other wolves? Could any wolf come here and make friends?"

The guide smiled down at Teddy's bright face. "There aren't any wild wolves in England, dear. But every time we get a new wolf they do end up making friends."

Teddy came running back through the small group and took Remus' hand. "Did you hear that, Daddy?" He tugged Remus down to speak into his ear. "If you came here at the full moon you could make friends with these wolves! It would be nice for you to have friends." He turned away again, to stare proprietarily at the wolves in the distance. 

Remus stood up slowly, not looking at Andromeda. He ran his hands through his hair, then over his face, rubbing his eyes and then letting his hands slide around to the back of his neck.

"Andi, this isn't the time. Maybe we can talk about it, but," he glanced around. "Not here and not now." He glanced at her sympathetic expression and sighed. "Yes, okay. Yes, I'm lonely, but _not now_."

Teddy pulled on his hand again. "Daddy, we're going again. Maybe there will be other wolves!"

That evening, after Teddy had been put to bed upstairs in Andromeda's house, the two adults sat in the front parlor of her house. She hadn't turned on any lights, but she'd left the curtains open; the room flickered with the light from the nearly-full moon. She'd brought in a pot of tea and some slices of cake, but neither had taken any of the food. Remus leant back in his chair, looking out the window without seeing anything. 

"Remus," Andromeda sighed. "You have to face this. You're alone, you're lonely, you're unhappy and you don't have to be. It's been five years. I know you loved her. I'm sorry I wasn't always right to you about your marriage to my daughter, that I didn't understand how you two really felt, but you did love her and she did love you."

"I do." Remus' voice was less than a whisper. 

"That doesn't have to stop, you know. Meeting someone else, falling in love with someone else and sharing the rest of your life – that won't change how you and Dora felt. She wouldn't –"

"Don't tell me what she would and wouldn't have wanted me to do." Remus hadn't moved, but the atmosphere in the room changed. 

Andromeda sat silently, turning her tea cup in her lap. After a long moment, she lifted her head and looked directly into Remus' face. "You don't get to believe that you're the only one who knew her or who mourns her. I can tell you what she would have wanted – I knew her all of her life. She _would not have wanted you to be alone._ "

Remus closed his eyes and for some reason, the sunny patio he'd dreamed of rose in his vision. For one aching minute, he wanted to be there, to have the Real Dreams be, in actuality, real places he could visit, places he could live.

"I'll think about it, Andi."

* * *

Remus didn't think about it. He spent the next two days at work, meeting with the MP for Birmingham Hodge Hill and discussing the integration of Wizards into the local fire fighting departments in Liam Byrne's constituency. Byrne had been a hard sell, at first refusing to believe in anything magic, then refusing to believe that there was anything Wizards could do for non-Wizards. It had taken a small house fire in the outskirts of Birmingham in which three young children died to make him receptive to Remus' department. 

Whatever time Remus didn't spend with Byrne, he spent either dealing with the full moon and its aftereffects or reading the book Lydia had loaned him.

He'd come home from London the day before the full moon for the change itself; he had a basement room in the house he owned in Bedford which he'd set up to be safe and secure. The morning of the full moon found him restless and irritable, so after staring fruitlessly into his fridge and finding nothing he wanted for breakfast, he decided to take himself out. At the front door he saw the book; he'd left it on the entry table when Lydia had given it to him. With nothing else to do, he picked it up and brought it with him.

He barely remembered to eat the Eggs Benedict he'd ordered and he sat at the table in the window of the restaurant for at least two hours before he managed to stop reading. In fact, what pulled him out of the book was the sound of the waiter's coffee pot tapping his cup as he refilled it. He glanced up, suddenly aware of the time and how long he'd held the table. 

"I love those books," the waiter said, smiling at him. "I couldn't put the first one down either and now the second one's out, I'm having to use a timer to make sure I don't stay up all night just reading." 

Remus smiled back. "I hadn't read them at all before this. I knew that they were popular, but I …"

He laughed a little. "Yeah, so often the popular books are dreadful. These are surprising, though." He leaned a hip against the table and glanced out the window. "It sounds like he's describing something real, you know? Like he's using history somehow, but I've checked around and I can't find anything about it. I mean," he shifted slightly and Remus caught a glimpse of his legs – he was wearing shorts and his legs showed strong and muscular. Remus pulled his gaze away, but ended up catching the waiter's eye. 

"I, erm," Remus said, "Right. The story does seem very realistic."

The waiter stood up again. "Oops. Table five needs more coffee. I'll be back to find out how you like the next chapter!" He grinned at Remus and swept away. Remus watched him go, wondering why he was looking at all. 

* * *

"No, Alisa, I don't want to go on another one of your disastrous ideas of a good date." Severus stood in his kitchen and glared at his friend, who was sitting at the island in the middle of the large room. Behind him a pan stirred itself; the scent of sautéing mushrooms and onions filled the room.

"But – " she began.

"No. I'm done. I know you're happy to try a different person every day, but I – " he broke off. Throwing his hands in the air, he said, "I'd rather be unhappy single than unhappy with someone. I've been unhappy for long enough. At least if I'm single I can't be blamed for someone else's problems."

She leaned her elbow on the island and rested her chin in her hand. "You know, Severus, you've told us that you're a Wizard. It seems pretty cool, this magic thing. But you don't talk about friends from … there, or however you say it. You don't seem to have any friends."

"Except us," John's voice floated in from the living room. He'd taken his glass of cider and immediately sat down in Severus' living room at the computer tower he'd put together to play online games. Severus had gone from the first game he'd tried – _The Sims_ – and now he'd started playing World of Warcraft. John had scoffed at first, saying that computer games were for idiots and children, but after trying some of the games that Severus had, he finally bought his own and was working his way through several campaigns. His wife had cheerfully bought herself a shirt that said Warcraft Widow and knitted him a sweater with the Horde emblem on the front.

Severus shrugged. "It isn't a nice place. I grew up halfway between both worlds and neither one is great." He checked the sausages in the oven. "Most of the people I'd thought were my friends... weren't. There isn't anyone from there that I want to stay in touch with." He sat down across from Alisa and shoved his beer bottle aside. "For a long time I wasn't even in touch with my mam and da."

For a minute or two, the only sounds in the room were the sizzle of the onions and mushrooms from the stove and the muffled cursing from the living room. John's wife Mia came into the kitchen shaking her head. "He's regenerated again, the stupid bastard. He keeps trying to make friends with the enemy." She sat down next to Severus and pulled out a half-knit sock from her bag. 

"Okay, so you don't want to date any more. What about friends?" Alisa took a sip from her tea cup. "Because I found this service thing – it organises group events. You know, like hiking or cooking or something. So there are, I don't know, eight or ten people or something, and they all do the group thing, but there's no pressure to date. It's like a way to meet people who are interested in the same things as you, only there's the bonus of knowing that anyone interesting is single!"

Mia chuckled. "Why don't you leave him alone, Alisa?" Her hands shifted around on the sock; Severus sometimes thought he could see the fabric growing under her hands. 

Severus groaned. "You don't give up, do you, woman? I'm not going hiking with strangers. I'd be stuck out in the wilderness with no way out. At least if we're cooking, we'll be inside and I can just leave early. Anything to stop your pestering." He grinned at her. "Now that I've given in, you can't keep talking about me. Time to tell us what's going on with your next book!"

Her pleased smile slid off her face. "Book? What book? I'm going to the living room to help John!"

Severus' laughter followed her out of the room.

* * *

_**2005, summertime** _

Severus leaned back in his chair and stared at his keyboard. None of this was working. He threw his hands up and stalked into the kitchen to brew a pot of tea. He knew he was missing some information, but usually his sources in France or further east could fill in the gaps. He'd even gone as far as Kiev to study at the Museum of Historical Treasures, but this time there wasn't enough information anywhere. He'd found one or two references to a book which would give him what he needed, but none of the European libraries had a copy.

The tea made, he wandered through the house and into his back garden. This year he'd let the field go to seed, so he had the illusion of being almost entirely surrounded by growth. The summer sun on his shoulders felt good – he'd been sitting at the computer since almost five that morning, organizing scenes and rearranging the story. He was working on the early draft of the fourth book in an attempt to ignore the fact that one of the main characters in the third one wasn't cooperating. 

He set his tea cup down on the stone wall which divided his garden from the wildness outside, and leaned on his elbows looking into the woods. A pair of rabbits hopped gently around a tree trunk and he could hear the chitter of a bird in the trees somewhere. He let the sun and the silence fill the air, then he blew out a breath.

"Okay," he said out loud. "You know where the damned book is most likely to be. It's not as if they haven't been hoarding important books for a thousand years." He heard something moving through the woods, something larger than the rabbits, and he stopped. People occasionally walked through the woods, and even though he had several layers of protective enchantments on his house, he didn't like to be caught talking aloud to himself. 

A small boy burst from the edge of the woods, sending the rabbits dashing down into hiding and silencing the birds. He was calling back to his parents and Severus didn't wait to see if they came after him. His peace had been shattered and he'd made his decision anyway.

He had to go back to Hogwarts.

* * *

"No, Daddy, I really did see a house. And there was a man," Teddy insisted. They were standing just outside a little woodsy park a few miles from their house. They'd walked through the park nearer their house many times, so they had started looking for new places to explore. This one had seemed perfect. There was a farm nearby, and it looked like some people might keep horses. Teddy hadn't been quiet enough for the wildlife to come out, but Remus didn't care if they scared all the rabbits. It was nice to be out with his son and away from any confusing people.

They'd come out of the park and found a little row of houses. Teddy had waved at someone just as Remus fought his way through the last of the brush, but when he'd got there, there hadn't been anyone. Teddy said that there'd been a house which was now gone as well.

Remus looked up and down the narrow path running behind the houses. They were all set well back from the road, which meant that the back windows were all visible from the path. Remus could just see one family sitting in their back garden; one of the adults was working at a grill and the scent of cooking meat wafted gently over to them. 

"I'm hungry," Teddy declared and Remus laughed. 

"Me, too, pet," he said. "We should go home and get something for dinner, then, yeah?"

"Yeah," Teddy shouted, then he ran up the path towards the small road the houses fronted onto. Remus followed along behind, glancing around and trying to see if he could catch a glimpse of the house that Teddy had seen. A Wizard lived here, that was clear.

Over dinner, Teddy mentioned the disappearing house. "I bet that means it's a Wizard's house, huh? I wonder if it's one we know." He shoved a bite of chicken into his mouth. "Do you think their kids go to the school we passed?"

Remus laughed. "If they have kids, then yes, they probably go there." Then, because the ways of knowledge among children are as magical as anything else, he asked, "Do you know anything about that school?"

"It's very posh," Teddy said, his mouth half full of peas and potatoes. He swallowed and continued. "Anna's got a friend who goes there, but she says it's not like our school." 

They fell silent, each contemplating different things. Remus was thinking about trying to find out if the Wizarding family in that neighborhood did have children and wondering if he should send one of the Integration Assessment Groups over to have a talk with them when he noticed that Teddy had stopped eating and was shoving his food around instead.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Why don't you have a wife?" Teddy's head leant on his fist and he didn't lift his eyes from his plate, but his body was tense and his feet had stopped kicking against the rungs of his chair. Remus paused, not at all sure how to answer, when Teddy continued. "Or a husband, I guess. I mean, Anna's got two mommies, so I guess two daddies is possible."

Remus sighed and caught a glimpse of Teddy's worried eyes under his dark-green fringe. He shoved away his plate and tugged at Teddy's, then he shifted in his chair. "Come here, cub," he said, opening his arms out.

Teddy slid down and then back up into Remus' lap. He leaned against Remus' shoulder but still wouldn't look at him. "You could have a new wife or husband and I wouldn't even mind if they had their own kid. We could be brothers!" He paused, and Remus pulled in a deep breath. "Or. Well, or maybe they'd have a girl, so she'd be my sister."

Remus tumbled into speech before Teddy could do any more planning. "I loved your mother very much, Teddy. We met when I was already a little old, and she was a lot younger than me and I loved her … a lot. A very big lot." He saw Teddy's mouth smile. "I guess, when you were little, I didn't want to spend any time with anyone except you. You're a big kid now, but you were a lot of work when you were little."

"Gramma said you didn't like diapers."

Remus snorted. "You know I can smell things really well, what do you think?" 

Teddy laughed and wiggled around on Remus' lap so his back was against Remus' chest and his legs stuck out over Remus' knees. "But I'm big now and you could meet someone. Maybe one of the wolves at the Wolf Centre is really a werewolf! That would be really cool!"

"No, those were all regular wolves. They were cool, though."

"You're sure, Daddy?"

"Yup. They didn't smell like werewolves, and it was daytime when we were there. They wouldn't have been wolves during the day." Remus pulled his tea cup closer and took a drink. He might get out of this conversation yet.

"Daddy?" Teddy bent backwards, pressing the top of his head painfully into Remus' sternum. "You should find someone nice and marry them. Then you'll have someone to talk to after I go to bed! I bet the girl at the Wolf Centre would know someone nice who likes wolves."

Remus pushed Teddy off his lap. "You are full of ideas, aren't you? Go sit back down and finish your dinner. When you're done, we'll have pudding."

Teddy climbed back into his chair. "If you had a wife, I could stay home with her in summer instead of having to go to that stupid play care centre!"

Remus started laughing. "Oh, that's the real reason for all of this. You want to get out of going to Play Care. I see!"

But that night after Teddy had gone to bed, Remus couldn't get comfortable. He settled down in his usual place in the lounge with a cup of tea on the table next to his chair and picked up _Winter Houses_ , but he couldn't lose himself in the story. With a sigh, he set the book aside and went to the kitchen to make lunch for himself and Teddy for the next day. He pulled out the bread and hunted in the fridge for the jam. Teddy liked grape jam but all he could find was a nearly empty jar of strawberry. 

After an increasingly frustrating half hour, he ended up with a ham sandwich with an apple and cheese for Teddy's lunch, but nothing for himself. He'd begun taking his own lunch when Shacklebolt had set up the Department of Integration and he'd been unsure that it would last a week, let alone work. Lydia teased him about it now; he was the only person in the office who didn't get lunch from one of the many different restaurants in the area. With an annoyed grunt, he tossed his lunch supplies back in the drawer and went back to the lounge to try reading again.

However, all he found in the lounge was echoing loneliness, so he went upstairs, ignoring the empty rooms. He stopped and looked down the length of the upstairs corridor towards the room at the front of the house. He'd set it up as a guest room, but it had never been used; he couldn't even remember the last time he'd gone into it himself. The pictures he'd hung down the walls of the corridor waved at him, and he paused.

He walked slowly down the corridor, looking at each picture, slowly coming to a realisation. Almost everyone on these walls was dead or gone. Here was Dora, beautiful and laughing, her hair a firework. There was his grandfather, sitting in front of his parents, all smiling, all dead. Here was the Order – he had two of the pictures, side by side. One was nearly forty years old now, and how sad was that? The other was more recent, but no better. 

The Weasleys waved and grinned, but George would never be the same. Minerva, standing at the back in both pictures, nodded at him with a friendly smile. He stared at the second Order picture, looking at everyone, wondering when everyone had stopped meeting. There was movement in the back of the photograph and he peered closer, gasping when he saw the nearly pale face and nearly skeletal frame of Severus Snape at the very back of the room, looking as if he wished he could be anywhere but in this photograph. 

He hadn't thought he had any pictures with Severus in them. As he watched, though, the Severus in the image slid back to the floor length curtains and stepped behind them. _Always hiding, he was,_ Remus thought.

As he lay in bed, he was aware of nothing except the fact that he'd spent more of his life alone and lonely than with someone he could love. With a groan, he threw an arm over his eyes. 

"Okay. All _right_. I'll start looking. I'm lonely."

He rolled over and hoped he'd get any sleep at all.

The next morning, after the obligatory check in with Lydia about the day's agenda, he closed the door of his office and sat at his desk with a new, clean pad of paper and a pen. He wrote: Find A Mate at the top in large capitals, then sat back. 

Half an hour later, Lydia walked into his office. "Remus? I know you're working on reviewing the Assessment Teams, but the files came in about Wizarding people in Bedford." She sat down in the chair in front of his desk without glancing up from the file. "You're here, obviously, and there are the three families downtown, but I'm not seeing anyone we don't know about. Are you sure that…" She glanced up and trailed off. There was a silent moment, then she laughed. "Find a mate? What, are you making a list?"

She lifted her eyes from the page to his face. "You're not getting on very well with this, are you? You haven't written anything down yet. Or have you just started?"

His expression betrayed him and her face softened. "It's okay, you know, if this is hard."

"Lydia," he started, then stopped, not sure what he wanted to say. He sat still for a second or two, then tried again. "Before Tonks, I was single for … many years. I've been single most of my life." He paused again. "Teddy is the longest relationship I've had, really." He didn't look at her. He didn't want to see the pity on her face. "Only, now everyone in my life is telling me to find someone – hell, _Teddy_ asked if I was going to find a wife. Or husband."

Lydia chuckled, and Remus glanced at her. 

"Yeah," he continued. "One of his classmates – her parents are lesbians, so he said that two daddies might be possible. He was even willing to have a brother or sister, in case the new parent comes previously equipped with their own kid."

"I didn't realise you were out with Teddy," Lydia said, her voice thoughtful. "That does make this a lot easier, doesn't it?"

"Out?"

"About being bisexual. If he's already comfortable with it, then that makes it easier for you to date whomever you actually fancy." She leaned back and crossed her legs. 

"Oh, I'm not…" he broke off. "Does everyone think I'm bisexual?"

Lydia looked at him steadily. "Are you trying to tell me you're _not_? You'd know, of course, but, well. We all assumed you had been involved with …" she paused and glanced towards the outer office. "Well, never mind."

Remus laughed. It was absurd. "Involved? With a man?" He crossed his arms behind his head and relaxed. "No. Huh. I'm straight."

Lydia raised her eyebrows. "Really? Okay. Well, then, what are you looking for?"

"I'm sorry?"

"In a mate. A wife. Or, a girlfriend – maybe a wife is going a bit fast." She leaned forward, her face alight. "Hey, have you thought of one of those online dating sites? We could set you up with a profile right now. Oh," she paused, looking at him speculatively. "Do you have any recent pictures of yourself? Maybe you should get a haircut and clean up a little and then we can get some good pictures of you."

Remus stared at her. He hadn't thought about this at all – he'd sort of ignored the whole thing for so long that the thought of getting a haircut or taking pictures of himself was a bit shocking. Let alone the thought of an online dating site. "I, erm, hadn't thought that far ahead," he said.

"That's obvious," she retorted, voice sharp but eyes still kind. "So, as your devoted secretary, let me think about it for you. I'll do some research and see which are the good sites. Do you have a preference for free or paying sites? My sister says that the free ones aren't really much good; sort of a ‘you get what you pay for' thing."

Remus ran a hand over his face. "I think I'd rather talk to MP David Amess from Southend West than try to figure any of this out."

Lydia laughed. "That reactionary? You wouldn't want to date him, Remus. One, you say you're straight, and two, he's far too old for you."

Remus gave up and started laughing with her. "Okay. Yes, please. I have no idea what I'm doing, I haven't dated in about a thousand years, I don't know what's … stylish or in. I didn't get anything done on the Assessment Team reviews, so I'm going to read those reports and you can do what you like. I'll talk to you this afternoon."

She smirked. "I'll get right on it, sir!"

Remus shook his head as she trotted out of his office. She was more enthusiastic about this than she'd been about much this year. He reached for his files and shook his head. He didn't want to know what his over-efficient office manager was thinking. She was sure to know what she was doing.

* * *

Severus stood just outside the doorway of the Hog's Head. He'd got himself here on nerves and determination, but now that he was actually in Hogsmeade and near Hogwarts, he found that he needed to stop moving for a minute. The Hog's Head seemed like the obvious place to stop. With a deep breath, he pushed open the door and stepped into the dark room.

The smell, layers of spilled beer, oaky firewhiskey, old smoke, hints of ancient cabbage and sausages swirled around him. The very familiarity of it set something at the back of his head at ease for what felt like the first time in years. 

"Never thought I'd see you again," came a gravelly voice from the shadows behind the bar. Severus glanced over and for one heart stopping second the white beard and flash of blue eyes made him freeze. Then the rest of the face came into focus and his shoulders relaxed. 

"Aberforth," he said, his own voice slightly rough. "It's … good to see you."

Aberforth pulled a pint of the dark ale Severus used to drink and set it on the bar. "Here you go, my lad. Sit down." He waited until Severus moved the glass to a seat further from the door, deeper into the shadows; then he said, "They all said you were dead, but I never believed that."

Severus closed his eyes as the taste of his past came washing into his mouth disguised as beer. "You always were a smart man," he replied, to which Aberforth snorted. 

"So." Aberforth pulled his stool over to sit nearer Severus. "Do tell. You look prosperous and, if I may say so, healthier than before. Why are you stirring up old times?"

Severus' mouth twisted. "I'm not. Stirring, I mean. I'm here to visit the library up at the school. It's summer, so the imbeciles will all be away. I know Pince visits her aunt up on Skye about this time, so I thought I'd be able to slip in and out without much trouble."

"Are you planning on using my tunnel?"

"Your… no, thanks. I thought I'd go to the front. I'm a living Headmaster – the castle can't refuse me." He lifted his head. "And I don't need to sneak in."

Aberforth chuckled. "Good lad. Now, where've you been keeping yourself?"

Severus settled onto his stool. He'd known that coming in here came with the price of exposure, but it felt surprisingly welcome to talk to someone from the past, someone who'd always been clear-eyed about the situation he had been in. Aberforth had been the first person he'd spoken to who hadn't worshiped the ground his brother Albus walked on, and Severus had clung to that when he'd been trapped by events. He'd felt practically enslaved, torn between the two men battling for the whole of the Wizarding World, and having someone who saw him as worthwhile and as more than just the symbol he'd become for everyone else was … more than refreshing, it was life-saving.

An hour later, he pushed away a plate with the shattered remains of pasty crust and tipped the last of his latest pint into his mouth. "So now I'm on the third book in the series, no Muggle would know that all I'm doing is re-telling the Goblin Wars but adding in information about the Muggle history of the time period. Life is good."

"Do you go about without any disguise or are you using Polyjuice?"

"Not Polyjuice. Drinking something disgusting every hour isn't a good method anyway. No, I worked something out with the Disillusionment spell." He smirked. "Usually it just makes you invisible, but I figured out a way to vary it so it makes the caster just look uninteresting. Innocuous."

"So you just look like anyone else, with brown hair and no nose to speak of?" Aberforth looked interested.

"No. It doesn't actually change my face – it just changes the way people see me. They see what they want to see and not how I really look."

"Got a bird?" Aberforth waggled his bushy eyebrows, his blue eyes sparkling in a way that sent chills up Severus' spine.

"No. Thanks." Severus crossed his arms. "Why does everyone think I need to have a lover in order to be happy?"

Aberforth laughed. "Well, you're young. You should be making up for lost time."

"I'm not interested." He hoped that would be it – if he just said it firmly enough, then people would quit bothering him about it. 

The bar was quiet for a few minutes, then Aberforth stood up and took the plate off the bar. "So what brings you to our fair village?"

"I have to find a book. I need information about Odrik and the Russian Rebellions. There's one book that has everything I need. All the books I've read refer to the _Historicum de Bellis Scorpiarius_ but no one has it. Hogwarts' library is my last chance, especially given Albus' … acquisitive nature." Aberforth caught his eye and snorted slightly. 

A few minutes later, Severus strode along the path through the Forest to the school. The trees caroled with birds and the bits of sky he could see through the canopy were deep blue. He turned the corner and the castle shimmered in the sun before him, spires glinting. The crenelations caught the light and sent shards of reflections into the air. He stopped, overcome by emotions he couldn't quite distinguish. With a deep breath, he started walking again. 

The gates swung open as he approached, putting to rest his one niggling fear that his term as Headmaster wouldn't be enough to attain entry. Once on the grounds, he didn't use the main entrance, but walked around to a small side door near his old quarters. His secret password still worked, and he made his way through the stone hallways to the library without meeting anyone except portraits and suits of armor. 

The library itself was the same as it had been since the first time he'd set foot in it; a haven of warmth and information. He breathed the scents of ancient parchment and old spilt ink. He passed through into the Restricted Section, pacing along the stacks until he found the section he needed. Muttering the titles of the books under his breath, he peered carefully at each spine. He pulled several books out to read their titles and ended up with an armful of them. Finally, bent nearly double to read the titles along the bottom shelf, he cried out with pleasure. "Here you are, you bugger!" He slid the book out from between its neighbors, fingers stroking the soft surface of the old leather. 

He stood up, back aching slightly; he twisted from side to side to relieve the pressure. As he stood straight, his eyes caught on a thin book with a dark green binding and heavy yellow embossed print. 

_"Anyway, the book has a green cover with yellow writing. You'll know it when you see it. You'll need to get Moony to help you – he's the last of us and he's involved anyway."_

He gasped, the memory pouring through him like ice. When he'd come to he'd remembered meeting someone, but he hadn't been able to identify the person and gradually the memories had faded into the dreams he'd assumed they really had been. Only… only the book was real and …

and the person he'd met was _Sirius Black_ , the fucking hateful dog. 

Fingers shaking slightly, he reached for the slim volume. It fell off the shelf into his hand as if it had been waiting for him. _Verum Ostendere et Perpicuae_ glowed on the cover. _To Reveal Truth and Clarity_.

He lifted his head to look; Black had been exactly correct. There was the little study alcove he and his lying friends had used. For one minute, he saw them, Potter with unruly hair and vicious humor, Pettigrew simpering and slavering, Black filled with blood purity and hatred, and Lupin, just a shadow in the wake of the brilliance of the others. His head pounded with sudden rage and despair, but then his vision shifted and he saw what was actually there. 

It was just a small room, slightly battered from years of hard student use. The late afternoon summer sun shafted in through the high windows, trailing golden paths through the dust motes in the quiet air. The only sound was his own breath, harsh and ragged; the jeers and laughter had been in his head, in his memories. They were all dead now, all but Lupin and himself. 

With a sudden laugh, he realised that, as far as Lupin and the rest of the Wizarding World was concerned, he was dead as well. He pulled in a deep, long breath, held it for a moment, then released it slowly. The past was over; it was past. He sat down at the table in the old alcove, feeling a mixture of sorrow for long dead chances at reconciliation and joy in the knowledge that Sirius had finally understood, finally apologised. 

* * *

Remus smiled tightly. "It's been a nice evening," he said. He'd spent two weeks working up the nerve to meet one of the women who'd responded to his profile on the site Lydia had found for him, but so far the first one, Cindy, hadn't lived up to his hopes. He'd hoped for someone friendly and interesting, and she'd seemed so during their chats on the computer, but in person she was far less compelling. 

He'd tried several topics over coffee, but she was uninterested in politics and she didn't know anything about other countries, and during dinner she'd made several rather nasty remarks about the waitress at the Indian restaurant he'd picked out. By the time they rejected a pudding course, he could feel a headache pounding behind his eyes.

Cindy smiled back, her glossy bright red lips reflecting the streetlamps luridly. "It was super," she enthused. "I really liked that Indian place, even though they do hire Pakkies. Although, what can you expect from a place like that?"

He winced. "Well, I have to get to work early tomorrow, so I'm off to the train. Shall I call you a cab?"

She looked slightly disappointed. "You're going home already? I thought you could get me into a club and we could have some fun."

"As tempting as that is, I'm afraid I really do have to go," he said. Unsure of what to do next – should he shake her hand? Pat her on the shoulder? He certainly wasn't going to kiss her! – he nodded at her and turned away.

"I'll ping you tomorrow," she called after him and he waved over his shoulder. He'd have to ask Lydia if it was possible to block someone on the chat service she'd set him up with or if he would just be able to stop using it. 

He worried, the next morning, that Lydia would be disappointed at how badly the date had gone, but she simply laughed and declared that it was a good start and at least he was out there trying.

After four more women had been less interesting in person than online, he found she was less amused. One quiet afternoon, when Pritchard and the rest of the staff was at the second office in the building across the street, she sat down in his office and leaned forward.

"Remus," she said, her voice low. "I know you were resistant to the idea of meeting someone new, but are you sure you're not sabotaging these dates?"

"Sabotaging? Are you serious? The first girl was half my age and racist – what, am I supposed to tell her that I'm a Wizard, and by the way, I'm a werewolf as well? The second one was at least a decent age for me, but she wants to settle down right away and start making little babies and no matter how much Teddy says he's willing to have a brother or a sister, I'm not sure I'm ready to have another three kids, like packages from Amazon." He crossed his arms and glared at her. "I think these women are lying. I think they're all lying, even the men. Maybe especially the men." He took a breath. "Merlin knows I'm lying on my damned profile."

Lydia smiled. "Okay, I'll grant you that. There's nothing like this in the Wizarding World, is there? I mean, a way for people to meet each other and date?"

"No. Mostly people seem to meet at Hogwarts or at work." He looked glumly down at his desk, covered in papers and file folders. "Lydia, I think it's time we stopped pretending that I'm going to meet someone. It's just not going to happen." 

She sighed. "Okay. It's your life and you're right, none of these women were any good." She smirked at him. "Are you sure you don't want to try men?"

He laughed. "After those women, I just might! At least they wouldn't wear so much makeup their napkin was beige after they used it. Now, about that Childrens' Home in Hay on Wye. Has the Inspector for that district seen it yet? Can we allocate those funds or are we waiting for something else to come in? I've received an email from their MP – he wants to know if we've approved it yet." 

She blinked for a moment, thinking. "The mixed non-Wizard and Wizard school? I think we can allocate based on what we have, but I don't think the Inspector's seen it."

"Okay. I'll email Williams back and tell we're allocating the funds to the school on a conditional basis. If he wants the council to retain the monies, he'll have to ensure they comply with whatever the Inspector says when she does file the report."

Later that evening, he stood at the window in his office with the lights out. He'd had magical windows installed in every room in the offices, and now many of the other departments in the building had them as well. His changed once a day, usually, so every morning he'd get a different view. 

Right now it showed a field all gone to seed with wild plants growing up everywhere. In the distance, he could see a thick wood; between the field and the woods was a house with towers and a scatter of out buildings. The wind was blowing, making the plants in the field dance and sway like waves.

He sighed, pressing his hand against the wall next to the window. "I wish I could go somewhere like this – I don't want fancy vacations to Greece or exotic beaches. I just want something like a home." He closed his eyes. "I wish I hadn't started looking."

There was a sound behind him and he spun to see Lydia in his doorway, framed in the lights from the corridor behind her. She pulled the door closed and he knocked his head against the wall. 

"Hey, Lydia," he called. When he opened the door, she was still standing in the corridor. Her face was slightly stiff. "Come in," he said. "It's okay."

She followed him in and shut the door behind her then walked to the window to see what was out there. After a couple of quiet minutes, she turned to him. "You're right. This isn't working at all. I don't know if it's the site or if you should be trying to meet people some other way." With a deep sigh, she sat down in one of the soft chairs he kept in his office for when he and his staff had to work late.

"Do you really want to find someone?" Her voice was low. 

He sat down across from her and laced his fingers over his stomach. "You know, I think I didn't at first. Everyone was telling me that all I needed was to find that _perfect someone_ and my life would be complete. But most of the time my life felt pretty complete already." He shrugged. "No one could say it wasn't completely full, no matter what."

She laughed and he smiled wryly. "But the more I tried – you know, talking to all those women, looking at different people online and trying to find ones that I matched with, the more I realised that I am lonely, but that none of these women is the right one." He let his head fall onto the pillowy back of his chair. "I'd just stop trying, but now I know that I'm lonely."

"It's funny," she said. "At first, this was all a lark for me, trying to find someone for you. But then I saw that it would matter, that you weren't just dating for the fun of it. And then none of them worked out – that crazy one with all the cats? How in hell was that going to work? – and all I could see was you putting yourself out there date after date..." She sighed explosively. 

They sat quietly for half an hour. Finally she sat forward. "How about if we – you – go about this a little differently?"

* * *

Severus walked through the early autumn evening enjoying the crisp air and hints of woodsmoke. He'd signed up for a series of cooking courses through the group dating site Alisa had showed him. At first, he'd been deeply suspicious, but to his surprise, this was something he enjoyed. He'd started with something simple – and had ended up continuing through the different courses the program offered. Over time, he even made some – he wasn't comfortable calling them friends, exactly, but at least good acquaintances. 

One thing he liked quite a bit was that the dating service set up actual courses, so people signed up for the chance to learn something as well as to meet other people. There had been a few couples who met whilst at one of the events, but many people seemed to be there for the same reason as Severus; they found that getting out of the house and socialising, even with relative strangers, was a positive experience. 

There were times when Severus saw it as an anthropological experiment – the time they'd learned how to make traditional Scottish foods all he could think about was Minerva; he knew she wouldn't want to be friends with him any more, but he thought it would have been excellent to see her in Muggle clothes and trying to get the hand-cranked sausage stuffer to press the white sausage into the casing. 

This time, however, he'd signed up for a series of six classes, so he expected them to be filled with other people honestly interested in learning more about Indian food. He was early – he'd brought the book that Sirius had told him about; he'd been trying to figure out which of the spells in the book the idiots had cast. On the way to the class he stopped in at the late night coffee shop to get a cup of coffee. His favorite barista was working tonight; she was always friendly and sometimes slipped him an extra pastry. 

"Phillip," she said, her voice bright. "You're out late."

"I could say the same for you, Edina," he responded. "You usually work in the morning." 

"Someone quit, so I'm covering," she said, shrugging. While they chatted, she wrote what he wanted on the side of the paper cup and dropped it next to the man working the espresso bar. "It's extra hours and I need the money, so I guess it's worth being tired."

Half an hour later, he was sitting in front of the class kitchen, engrossed in the book. He'd finally found something that looked like it might be the right spell. It had the type of invasive control which would have appealed to the Marauders at their worst. 

_"To Share and Control the Dreams of your True Love"_

_This spell will ensure that your True Love will only dream of you. You can trust that your desires will be shared by the one you love the best. If you find your True Love has interests which you don't share, you can guarantee increased attention to your needs with this spell._

He scanned down the list of ingredients and instructions. It wasn't particularly complex to brew or cast, but there wasn't anything clear about the actual effects, or how to pick a target. The sound of the door opening brought him out of his thoughts; he closed the book and dropped it into the pocket of his jacket. He'd have to think about this later.

The kitchen was already thickly redolent of the curry they were going to make on the first day of class and he coughed slightly. Behind him he heard another person coughing. He hoped there wasn't anyone allergic to any of the ingredients.

Suddenly a voice said, near his ear, "That's quite powerful! I hadn't realised we were going to start out with curry strong enough to start an aeroplane." Severus' eyes went wide and he turned slowly to look at the man who'd addressed him.

It was Remus Lupin.

He was wearing casual, comfortably worn Muggle jeans and a honey colored corduroy shirt open over a dark brown tee shirt. His hair was almost all grey now but his face was both stronger and more lined. He was smiling slightly, his hands tucked deeply into his trouser pockets. He had a leather bag over his shoulder.

Severus coughed, then cleared his throat and tried again. "I didn't think they'd said what the class would start with."

Lupin chuckled. "True. The class information wasn't clear on that. I do hope we learn to make Vindaloo, but I'm probably alone in that." He glanced up at the front of the room. "Oh, the teacher's here. I'd better find my supplies." He wandered off to the side of the room and hung his bag on one of the hooks before fishing his apron out. 

Severus ran his hands down his face. This was the last thing he'd ever expected. Feeling slightly dizzy, he pulled his own apron out of his jacket's inside pocket and hung the jacket up near Lupin's bag. Thoughtfully, he walked to the same cooking station that Lupin had chosen. He should find out what the other man wanted and why he wasn't acting surprised to see that Severus was alive.

The teacher's introduction didn't take long; she had them chopping onions within the first five minutes of class. Severus and Lupin were part of a group of five working at their station. The other three people were friends and chattering between themselves. One of them, a short bubbly brunette, turned to them.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Rhi and these are Shannon and Joan. What're your names?"

Lupin slanted a smile at her and Severus felt his chest tighten slightly. "I'm Remus," he said. "I'd shake your hand, but I'm all over onion."

Rhi laughed and reached across the table. "I'm oniony as well – don't be silly." 

Everyone turned to Severus and he stared at his onion, which he'd unthinkingly cut into precisely even dice. "I'm," he paused, thinking quickly. He couldn't use his real name – Lupin hadn't said anything yet about recognising him, but he didn't want to make it obvious. As long as no one mentioned last names, he could be Phillip Robards. "I'm Phillip. Nice to meet you."

The class moved quickly, and by the end of the hour each station had a simmering pot of curry, a bowl of quick cucumber pickles, and a pot of rice just finishing up on the stove. Lupin had talked to the three women, so Severus learned more about Remus' life than he'd expected to without _Veritaserum_. Lupin had tried several times to involve Severus in the conversation, always calling him Phillip, but he'd deflected the questions. 

At the end of the cooking session, the entire class settled in around the large table in the other half of the room. Severus had hoped to sit away from Lupin, if only to have a chance to relax, but when he ended up at the opposite side of the circular table, he found himself straining to hear what Lupin was saying and unaccountably jealous of the people who could talk to him. He found himself lingering at the property hooks, but Lupin was talking to Joan. After waiting for a few minutes, filling the time by folding his still-pristine apron neatly and checking to make sure he hadn't left anything on the shelves, he tightened his jaw and started for the door. Why was he waiting to hear more from _Remus Lupin_ , of all people?

Before he reached the door, the teacher approached him. "Mr Robards," he said. "I heard from the teacher of the Chinese cooking class that you are skilled in knife work. I hoped you would be willing to provide us with a short demonstration in the next class."

Severus turned. He had indicated to the other teacher that he'd be willing to show basic knife handling skills in courses he was enrolled in. She'd tried to get him to offer a separate knife skills course, but he'd refused. He didn't want to have to organise a whole course – he'd done enough of that. 

After a few minutes of negotiation with the teacher about the timing of his demonstration, he turned back towards the door. He'd just passed through into the corridor when he was caught up by Lupin. His face was bright with curiosity.

"Robards?" He glanced over his shoulder at the people streaming out of the classroom door and moved further down the corridor. "You're not Phillip Robards, the author?"

Severus had occasionally been asked this by strangers who'd seen the name and been curious, and he'd never had any trouble telling them that he wasn't the author and that was the end of it, but somehow he didn't feel comfortable telling Lupin the lie. 

"Yes," he said in a low voice. "I am."

Lupin's face lit. "Why, excellent! I've read you. I mean," he laughed at his gaffe. "I mean, I've read your books. They're wonderful." He paused, then said, "I've read that you have a historical basis for your story lines, but I can't figure out what the actual time period is."

Severus very nearly snapped, 'Oh don't play dumb. You were always better in Binns' classes than I.' but he caught himself in time. After a breath, he said, "I've taken a few liberties with history, but I'm concentrating on the 1600's in what is now Eastern Europe."

Lupin turned and started walking down the corridor towards the car park outside. "Really? All those little countries forming and fragmenting makes for interesting reading, when filtered through your, erm, magical fingers." He smiled and his teeth flashed white in the winter darkness. Severus shivered. Once outside, Lupin hitched his bag higher on his shoulder, shifted on his feet for a moment, then said, "Well. It's been grand meeting you – I'll see you next week? And, I won't tell anyone your name." He waved and started across the car park.

"Wait," Severus called, no idea why he was doing this. Why would he want to spend more time with Lupin? "Are you going far? I could … give you a lift." And what would he do if Lupin said he lived in London or something like that?

Lupin turned, smiling. "No, thanks. I live just over the hill. There's still a bus running. I hope you don't have far to go."

Severus shook his head. "I'm a little north of here. Thanks." 

After another awkward moment, Lupin turned again and walked down the street and around the corner. Severus turned away and walked back to the quiet corner of the park he used to Apparate when he was coming into Bedford itself. _And another thing_ , he thought. _Why did you offer him a ride when you didn't bring your car? Twit._

The rest of the week passed quickly. Finding the information at Hogwarts turned out to be the catalyst he'd needed to get through the first draft of the third book. He'd sent it off, with apologies, to Monica for editing and had immediately started work on the fourth. 

The day of the next class, Severus was unusually anxious. He wasn't even aware of it until he found himself standing half naked debating which shirt he should wear. With a mental snarl, he grabbed the first one in his closet, buttoned it closed, picked up his keys and strode out the door. He stopped in at the coffee shop again before class, hoping that something warm would calm his nerves. 

It was with mixed dismay and pleasure that he saw Lupin already at the head of the line, chatting with the barista. As Severus watched, it seemed like Lupin was even flirting with the male barista at the bar. He was drinking from one of the shop mugs and leaning on the half wall between the customer area and the espresso bar. He was laughing and Severus could see that though his face was more lined, it was happier as well. 

The barista smirked at something Lupin said, then turned back to Edina. He glanced down the line of customers and caught Severus' eye. With a nod, he picked up another ceramic cup and started Severus' usual drink. Lupin glanced over as well and his face lit. Severus looked away; Lupin couldn't really be happy to see him.

Lupin said something quiet to the barista, who glanced over his shoulder at Severus and grinned, then he came over to Severus. 

"Phillip," he said, voice bright. "It's good to see you. I had no idea you liked this coffee shop." Severus had made it to the head of the line by now and he could see the sharp interest on Edina's face as she handed him his espresso macchiato with hazelnut syrup and glanced between them. "Thanks, Edina," Lupin continued. "I'll get that for him." Before Severus could say anything, Edina had taken Lupin's card and swiped it through the reader.

"No, really, Lupin – " Severus said, but Lupin waved him off.

"Remus, please. Only one person ever called me by my last name only." His expression flickered for a moment and Severus couldn't tell what he was thinking. 

"Remus," Severus said, and ignored the lift he felt when Lupin's face brightened. 

Half an hour later, they were sitting at one of the corner tables, talking about food. Lupin – _Remus_ – had asked why Severus was taking a cooking class when it was clear he was already quite accomplished in the kitchen. Severus had responded that just because he was skilled in some areas didn't mean he wasn't interested in expanding his repertoire.

After that he lost all track of time. Suddenly they glanced at the clock on the wall and realised they'd be late for class if they didn't rush. They made it to class, but only just, and Severus found himself in the unfamiliar position of laughing _with_ Remus at the feeling of being caught out by the teacher as if they were still school boys. 

They ended up having to work at different cooking stations, but Severus discovered that it was fun to watch Remus amuse his station-mates with silly antics as they made chutney and dipped onions and other veg into batter for bhaji. They sat next to each other after the cooking part of the class was over.

After class, and after the teacher explained that Phillip would be offering a quick introduction to knife skills in the fourth class of the lessons, Severus and Remus ended up in the car park again. Remus pulled out his business card and turned it over to write on the back.

"Here," he said. "I put my personal email on the back. I'd love a chance to win the argument about white truffles." He grinned at Severus and left down the same street as before; Severus wondered if he was really catching a bus or if he had his own quiet spot for Apparation.

He looked at the card. It read:

Remus Lupin, Director  
Department of Integration  
London, UK SW1  
010 7925 0918  
remus.lupin@integration.uk  
A.C. 001.1A

On the back, he'd written: 

howlingmad@googlemail.com

Severus surprised himself by laughing out loud. _Howling mad, indeed._

The next morning, he studied the information on the front of the card. What in the world was the Department of Integration? And what was that last line about? He shrugged and set the card aside. He had to get at least three more scenes outlined this morning.

* * *

Remus bowed slightly from the waist and then reached to shake hands with the leader of the Japanese delegation. 

"Thank you very much for meeting with me, Mr Tanaka. We have found that, after an initial period of difficulty, both Wizards and non-Wizards find that the benefits of integration far outweigh any loss of privacy on either side. In fact," he leaned forward a bit, smiling, "many Wizarding businesses have grown, particularly those involving horticulture." He saw Mr Tanaka's face brighten and made a mental note to thank Lydia for her staff's good research. Mr Tanaka's mother owned the largest greenhouse business in Wizarding Japan. 

He sat in his chair and waited for the questions he knew would follow – questions about implementation and cooperation, questions about the Integration Groups and getting the support of the non-Wizarding government. This was a large part of his job, selling the idea of fuller integration between Wizarding and non-Wizarding societies. Most often the strongest arguments were the financial ones, but sometimes all it took was to mention the way it helped ease the barriers between family members when someone married a non-Wizard; one of the goals of integration was to eliminate "blood purity". The delegation from Greece had included a Witch about the age of his own mother who'd found that a very compelling reason.

She'd also seemed quite struck by the portrait of Severus Snape in the front office. She'd asked the staff enough questions about it that they'd come to Remus to discuss it with her. She looked very thoughtful when he'd explained that it was a painting of someone whose life would have been better if the two worlds had been more closely entwined when he'd been alive. She'd asked, in a tart tone, if this person was just a symbol, a "poster child", but had seemed to take Remus at his word when he'd responded that he had known this man himself and regretted that his life had been lost to the wars over blood purity.

Remus responded to the Japanese delegates' questions carefully. He didn't want to make it sound as if the process were quick or easy, but he did believe that it was working to make life distinctly better for many people in his country. After an hour of discussion, the group moved to the next part of their visit; he introduced them to the Wizard in charge of the Integration Groups and left. 

With a sigh, he sat at his desk and anxiously checked his email. There were two emails from Phillip. Trying to pretend that he hadn't been thinking of this for the past two hours, he clicked on the first one.

_To: Howlingmad_  
From: Brewingbooks  
Subject: White Truffles  
Body: Dear Remus, 

_You're crazy if you think you can convince me white truffles are anything but the best ingredient. Pecan truffles from America are a poor substitute, as anything from the Colonies would be! I can only assume you've never had anything made with real white truffles._

_Perhaps we can alter this; I know of several good restaurants in London which serve excellent_ taglierini con tartufi bianchi _. You will be unable to continue to assert your patently ridiculous statements once you've had true white truffles._

_As for your questions about my writing, we could discuss that over coffee this Thursday, if you're interested._

_Phillip_

Remus laughed. He'd only said that pecan truffles were better than white because he enjoyed watching Phillip's lip curl. Without waiting, he clicked on the second email.

_To: Howlingmad_  
From: Brewingbooks  
Subject: Coffee?  
Body: Dear Remus, 

_As it happens, I have to meet with my editor in London on Thursday. Would you be willing to meet in town instead of Bedford?_

_Phillip_

Grinning, Remus clicked the reply button.

_To: Brewingbooks_  
From: Howlingmad  
Subject: Re: Coffee?  
Body: Dear Phillip, 

_This Thursday? That sounds excellent. I'm very near the Vauxhall Bridge. There's a cafe nearby-ish, the Mignon. We could meet there at 2 pm? I do have to be back in Bedford by teatime._

_I will bring a list of questions!_

_Remus_

He hit send and stared at his computer, feeling happy and a bit giddy. He hadn't felt this way in a long time; it felt very good. He spun around and looked at the magical window. It showed an evening view through an orchard looking out over a brilliantly blue ocean. Remus stood to have a closer look – it looked familiar, somehow, but he didn't think he'd ever been to the Mediterranean. Had he seen pictures of this? As he watched, the sun set, sending shadows creeping along the dusty ground and making the chalky colors of the building he could see in the distance flush brilliant and strong. 

Shaking his head at his confused memory, he turned back to his desk. He had to get work done if he was going to take half of Thursday off.

* * *

"So, she wants me to do the next book tour in November. It's short notice, but it should be good for sales." Severus stirred his coffee and tapped the spoon against the edge of the cup. He'd been impressed – this cafe was full service and offered nice options for sandwiches as well as some excellent pastries. He glanced up to see Remus licking the crumbs from his baklava off his lips. "How can you eat that? Isn't it horribly sweet?"

Remus' eyes sparkled and he shook his head, still chewing. After a swig of coffee, he said, "I don't think it's possible for something to be too sweet. Surely everything could be improved with another spoonful of sugar?" 

Severus shuddered. "You have the most appalling taste."

Remus wiggled his eyebrows. "I don't know. Have you ever had a pecan truffle?" He grinned at Severus' rolled eyes. "Where would you go on your book tour?"

"I think this one is just around the country, so not that far. She's already planning the events for the publication of the third book, though and I'm pretty sure she wants to send me to the States for that." 

"How many books are you planning? They're all amazingly plotted." Remus swiped his finger around the plate, picking up all the crumbs, then stuck it in his mouth to suck them off. Severus tried to ignore his body's response, but he could feel sudden heat curling in his hips and he coughed.

"Thank you. I think I'll end up with six books, all together. I could end it earlier, but I think Monica would kill me if I tried." 

"I have to confess I didn't start reading them until recently. When the first one came out, I was so busy with Teddy that I didn't read anything except picture books and work documents for years." His smile was wry and Severus wondered again what it was that he did. "They don't work very well together – I did wonder, sometimes, if we'd have to use picture books to make some of the idiots I had to deal with at the time understand what I was talking about." 

"What is an Integration Department, anyway?" Severus asked. To his surprise, Remus looked away for a second.

"It's a governmental department focussing on integrating different native and ethnic populations with mainstream society in mutually beneficial ways." He sounded practiced and Severus wondered what he was hiding. With a mental shrug, he left it. 

"You dealt with idiots, then?" 

Remus laughed. "Oh yes. I still do, only now that the Department's got traction in the community, we have enough clout to make the idiots listen instead of having to cajole them along." He stretched his legs out and his calf brushed against Severus'. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to shove, there."

"Don't worry about it," Severus said; Remus' leg was warm against his. Werewolves always ran hot, didn't they? He'd have to look that up.

They stayed at the small table chatting until Remus looked at his watch. "Oh dear. I've got to fly if I'm going to get home in time to make tea for Teddy. I, erm – " he looked around at the cafe. "Would you like to do this again?"

Severus surprised himself by how much he did want to. "Yes. That would be good. When are you free?"

Remus paused. "I'll have to think about it." Severus felt himself stiffen, and it must have shown, because Remus looked suddenly unhappy. "No, not like that. I mean, evenings and weekends I usually spend with Teddy, and during the week I'm normally in the office. I can't usually take afternoons off."

Severus blinked. It hadn't occurred to him that Remus might have taken time off work to meet with him. The curl of warmth he'd felt before softened to something more like pleasure. "Ah," he said. "I am not unwilling to do things with your family, if you'd allow it."

"That … that might be fun. We don't have anything specific planned for this Sunday. Would you like to meet for a ramble through the woods near my house and then lunch, after?"

"Shall we meet at 10 am, then?" 

That evening, Severus sat in front of his fireplace and tried to figure out why he was so pleased at getting to know Remus better. He wasn't fooling himself about Remus being interested in men; the man had been very straight for as long as he'd known him, but still. Maybe he was just happy to have another friend. 

* * *

Remus tugged Teddy's mittens back on. "Do I need to charm those so you don't lose them?" he asked.

Teddy grinned and shook his head. "No, Daddy. I'll try to keep them, this time." He paused. "Will your friend get here soon?"

"I'd think so. We said ten o'clock and it's nearly that now." 

There was a knock on the door and Teddy ran to it, yelling, "I'll get it." He wrenched it open and stood grinning up at Phillip. "Hi! Daddy says you're going walking with us."

Remus followed him down the hall, his jacket over his arm and Teddy's in his hand. "Come in, Phillip – move over, kiddo, let him in. We're just about ready, but you can have a cup of tea or something, if you want to, before we go out." 

Phillip smiled at them and said, "No, I'm ready to go now. If I could just drop my bag, though..." 

Teddy grabbed it and trotted off down the hall. "I'll take it to the lounge."

As he turned the corner, Phillip turned to Remus. "Hi there," he said. 

Remus felt a rush of pleasure and warmth that he couldn't quite understand. He covered up his heated cheeks by pulling on his hat. "Hi yourself." He found himself suddenly at a loss for words. 

Teddy tugged his jacket out of Remus' hands, startling him. "I can get my jacket on," he chirped. "Let's go. I want to see if the stream's frozen."

"Do you really have a stream?" Phillip asked as they followed Teddy through the gate in Remus' back garden wall. 

"It's seasonal and small, but yeah, we do." Remus grinned. "Not really ours, you know, but still. Teddy loves it."

The little wood behind Remus' and Teddy's house wasn't as full as the other one they'd walked in before, but there were several attractive copses and the stream was frozen. Teddy amused himself by throwing little rocks through the rime of ice on the stream and gathering up the shards. 

"We come here almost every day," Remus said. "We've begun to look for other places to go walking, though. There's another wood, a little north of here. I think it's outside of Renhold. Do you know it?"

Phillip looked over. "I do. I live around there. There's a little patch of wood there." He picked up a dead branch and looked at it, then peeled some of the bark off. "Do you go there often?"

Teddy slammed into Remus' legs. "Did you tell him about tea?" He turned around to beam up at Phillip. "We're having cake after lunch, cake and tea. I helped make the cake!" 

"That sounds fine," Phillip said. He looked up from Teddy's face and smiled at Remus; Remus felt his face flush again. "What kind of cake?"

"Pumpkin cake!" Teddy shouted, then ran off to see what was behind the next group of trees. 

Remus snorted. "That kid'll do just about anything for sweets. It's just lucky he takes after his mother and has a good metabolism."

"Children tend to work off anything they eat. He's probably got several years to go before he worries about eating too many sweets." 

Remus slanted a glance at Phillip, who was walking through the crunchy piles of leaves with an unusual amount of aplomb for a man poking about in a cold and muddy wood. "You clearly don't need to worry about eating too many sweets. You're quite fit."

Phillip looked away for a moment. "I often forget to eat. I've found that if I don't set alarms, I'll end up spending most of a day involved in something and won't eat until I'm shaking." He faced Remus, then smiled and looked down. "This is good for me, you know. I don't get out much. My friends always tell me I should see what's outside my house."

Remus laughed. "Well, Teddy and I would be delighted to have you come with us on our rambles, if you're interested." He walked closer to Phillip, letting his hand brush Phillip's. He didn't usually feel this overheated from just a twenty minute walk through the woods with Teddy. 

"How far away do you go?"

Remus looked ahead to make sure he could still see where Teddy had gone. "Mostly we wander around here. We've been looking at other places locally. Teddy likes hiking in the woods – I've thought about taking him up to Scotland and seeing how he feels about arêtes." He grinned at Phillip. "It's beautiful up there, but I'd want to keep Teddy on a lead. He's not always good about looking first."

As if to illustrate his point, Teddy came barrelling back around the corner, one pant leg muddy from knee down. "Hey, Daddy," he said. "The hill over there's still slippery."

Remus laughed. "I can see that, cub." He started to call Teddy over so he could _Evanesco_ the mud away, but then remembered Phillip and stopped. "We'll clean you up when we get home. Do you need to hurry?"

"No, I'm okay. It's squelchy in my shoe, though." Teddy waved and disappeared around the bend in the path again. 

Phillip chuckled. "He's a bright lad. Erm. You said something about his mother. Where is she?"

Remus paused. He was used to feeling a jolt when he had to explain Dora and what had happened, but somehow telling Phillip felt like telling someone he'd known forever, as if Phillip were an old friend with whom he'd fallen out of touch. "She died. Teddy wasn't more than a few months old. We were – we were in a terrible accident, both of us. It took me months to recover; I nearly died. She did." He looked over to see Phillip's face turn still and pale. "Teddy was with her mother at the time. He knows she died and she loved him, but he doesn't really know how close he came to losing both of us."

"When was this?" Phillip's voice was a harsh whisper. 

They turned the corner of the path. The trees were thicker here, making the path seem mysterious and the bright opening at the end flicker in the thin winter sunlight. Remus sighed. "It was 1997, so eight years ago, now?" 

"I didn't know," Phillip said. He stopped and knelt down, his hands busy at his shoes. 

Remus stopped, looking curiously down at Phillip's dark hair. "Why would you know? It was eight years ago, up in Scotland." He leaned against a tree. "Wow, it's been nearly a decade. It's funny how time changes, isn't it?"

Phillip rose, still not looking directly at Remus. "It is," he said, clearing his throat. 

"Daddy?" Teddy's voice came from the path ahead of them. "There's a hedgehog!"

"A hedge pig?" Remus stood up. "It's late for one of them to be out."

He and Phillip walked up to Teddy; he was standing at a narrow hole under a fallen tree. "I saw him go in there, but he looked like there was something wrong." 

Remus crouched down and he could feel Phillip leaning over him to look as well. The other man's shoulder leaned against him and he could feel how warm his body was. He breathed in deeply, to steady himself; he could smell the rich loam and the sharp scent of the cold, but there was a hint of something else, something warm and bitter and oddly familiar. He tilted his head slightly and breathed in again, scenting the air. He couldn't quite place it.

Phillip leaned forward, knocking against Remus' shoulder again. "I don't know much about hedgehogs. Should we leave him, do you think?"

"He should be hibernating," said Teddy. "It's too cold for him to be out."

Remus stood up, groaning slightly and stretching his back. "How about we come back tomorrow afternoon when you're out of school with some food for him and a plastic bag to put over his house? That'll make it waterproof." 

Teddy nodded, his eyes bright. "That'll be good. Is it time for cake now?"

Remus laughed and was pleased to hear Phillip's laugh as well. "After we have sandwiches, yes, cub."

"Why do you call him cub?" Phillip's hands were tucked into his jacket pockets and his voice was light.

Remus glanced at him, but before he could think of anything to say, Teddy laughed. "Oh, my Dad's a wolf."

"And I think I'll have Teddy sandwiches," Remus growled, and chased Teddy down the rest of the path.

After lunch, and cake, Teddy went upstairs to play. Remus brought Phillip into the lounge with more tea. Phillip sat down and stretched his legs out onto the settee. He smirked at Remus. "A wolf?""

Remus leaned back in his own chair and put his feet on the settee near Phillip's. "Oh, well. He's an imaginative kid. For half the year, last year, he wanted to grow up to be a great white shark."

Phillip chuckled. "He's bright. Does he go to one of the local schools?"

"For now. I think there's a school I'll send him to when he starts secondary school, though. Not around here."

Some time later, Phillip looked at his watch and said, "Oh. It's nearly 3 pm. I'll have to go." Remus was surprised that so much time had gone by. He and Phillip hadn't run out of things to talk about – they'd discussed the local schools, which had led to a conversation about the Bedford Council's latest decision to change the local cycling routes. They'd ended up talking about holidays they'd taken, most of which Remus had cobbled together from the times when he'd been out of the country after James and Lily had been murdered. He could call that vacation, sort of.

He stood up and led the way to the front door. "I had an excellent time," he said. "We'd love to have you again, if you like. We could walk anywhere around here, or drive to someplace else, if you know of anyplace good."

Phillip's answering smile was warm and Remus felt himself respond. He cleared his throat and stuck out a hand to shake Phillip's goodbye when the other man took it and used it to pull him closer and into a hug. Remus gasped at first, then wrapped his arms around Phillip's shoulders. Phillip was warm and strong, his hands pressed firmly into Remus' back.

"I enjoyed myself," Phillip said, releasing Remus and not seeming to notice his confusion. "I'd love to go walking with you and Teddy, or make dinner for you both. I could cook some of the curry we learned about in class." With a last smile, he stepped out the door and closed it behind him, leaving Remus feeling slightly dizzy and confusingly aroused.

Remus fell back into his chair in the lounge, not sure at all what to make of this. _Was_ he attracted to men? He ran a hand down his face, thinking that this was a stupid question. Obviously he was, but... what did that mean? As he sat there, he noticed that Phillip had forgotten his scarf on the couch. Remus snatched it up and trotted to the door, thinking that maybe there'd still be time to catch Phillip and give him the scarf, but when he stood on his porch, Phillip was gone. 

He looked up and down the street, but none of the cars were unfamiliar. Phillip must have driven off in a hurry. Thoughtfully, he wrapped the scarf around his own neck and went back inside. He hadn't noticed what car Phillip had; he hadn't noticed any new cars in the street at all when they'd gone for their walk. 

That evening, feeling furtive and excited, he brought the scarf to bed with him. He wrapped it around one hand and let his other hand slide along his body. It had been a long time, he realised, since he'd done this – in the past few years, even his wanking had become sterile and lonely. He'd been pulling quickly in the shower, just to get the edge off. 

He wanted to take his time with this. Even if it turned out that he and Phillip didn't end up being anything other than friends, it would be worth it to reclaim his own sexuality. 

Even if his sexuality turned out to be not quite what he'd thought it was. 

He buried his nose in the scarf, pulling in lungs-full of the smell; it was heady and still somehow familiar. He wished he could place it; it was amazingly arousing. 

His other hand slipped from one nipple to the other, plucking gently until they were standing tall and tight. He closed his eyes, not sure what to think of, what to try to see and gave up, finally thinking of nothing but the way the smell wrapped around his brain, making him feel like his bones were melting and tightening at the same time.

Once his chest felt overheated and his breath was heavy, he let his hand move down over his stomach, which fluttered and shivered. He'd missed this, he realised. Oh, the way his muscles tensed as his fingers ploughed through the hair at the base of his now throbbing prick...

He gasped when he gripped himself, fingers tight at the base of his cock, then sliding gently up towards the tip, pulling the soft skin along, making it tingle. The tingling spread out into his hips and he twisted his hand at the top of his cock, sliding the still slightly loose foreskin against the sensitive tip inside. It sent a spike of heat along his spine, making his ears ring and his toes curl. 

He settled into a stroke, just slightly too slow for the sensations rippling through his body to build up. The scarf was soft under his cheek and tight around his wrist; the slight pinch there added to the inevitable crest he could feel just beyond his senses. 

He cupped his balls, rolling them gently, then carefully slid his fingers down behind them. He hadn't touched himself here much; he'd never thought of it really. The skin was soft under his fingertips, and a gentle rub made his balls tighten in a way that made his scalp pull; it felt almost like his hair was all trying to stand on end. He stroked harder and the slight tension shifted into a blaze of sensation, running from the top of his head down through his hips and knees and pulling tight in his calves. 

With a groan, he moved back to his cock, pulling hard now, twisting and stroking and shuddering in the rush of heat and light he couldn't stop, couldn't control, couldn't do anything but ride. At the very end, when nothing but light showed behind his eyelids, he saw a flash of dark hair and dark eyes and an achingly familiar face.

Once he could breathe again, he grimaced at the mess. This was one of the reason's he'd moved to masturbating in the shower. He relaxed against the pillow and fished around on his night table for his wand. _Evanesco_ would deal with this. 

* * * 

Severus shoved the papers on his desk off the side into the big bottom drawer. There, the desk was done. What else did he have to straighten up before Remus and his son came over?

Halfway through checking to make sure that all of the chairs in the living room were cleared off, he stopped. He was having _Remus Lupin_ and his son come over to ramble through the woods back of his house and then make dinner. It was almost too bizarre; if he'd been told, even three years before, that he'd want to get to know Remus better, he'd have assumed that someone was either Confunded or lying. Or both. He shook his head and started moving again.

The game controllers were put away, but he thought that he might have something Teddy could play. None of the First Person Shooters that John liked, obviously, but maybe he could play _Final Fantasy_. Severus checked to make sure he still had the game, then decided he was done.

Alisa had called while he was wondering what to make for dinner; she'd laughed at him for being so worried, but had sent him an email with links to easy-to-prepare meals. He'd shaken his head over many of them – she'd misinterpreted his worries. As a Potions Master, he had no fears in the kitchen. He'd been more worried about making something that everyone would want to eat. He'd been cooking for himself only for long enough to have lost any knowledge, if he'd ever had any, of what other people liked.

He sat down upstairs at his laptop, figuring that he could hear the doorbell from anywhere in the house, and anyway, it was on a desk at the front of the house, so he could see when Remus and Teddy arrived. It wasn't until he saw them walking up the unpaved road and past his house that he realised his mistake. The house had as many protective enchantments on it as he could think of. They wouldn't be able to see it. 

He couldn't just go get them; if he appeared out of nowhere, or his house did, they'd wonder what had happened. Remus was a Wizard, of course, so he wouldn't be surprised by a magically hidden house, but he'd want to know more about him, about _Phillip_ , and Severus wasn't ready to make up a story about where and who he'd been in the Wizarding world.

He watched until they turned past the big tree between the field and the woods and jogged downstairs to the living room. He laid his right hand on the stone in the centre of the chimney and pointed his wand at the earth and said, " _Ostende Domus_ ". The air shimmered around him. 

He pulled the front door open and went down to the road just as Remus and Teddy came back around the corner. Teddy bounced up and down and Remus grinned down at him. 

"Hi," Remus said, when they were close enough to not have to shout. "I don't know how we missed your house the first time we came down here." 

"It's because – " Teddy started, but Remus continued over him. 

"We've been looking forward to this visit." He patted his leather bag. "I brought some wine for us and something for Teddy to drink. Just in case. And I found some nice cheese at the farm stand, so that came along as well."

By now they were in the house and Severus brought them to the kitchen. "I'll put the cheese in the refrigerator," he said; it was followed by the bottle of fizzy fruit drink for Teddy and the white wine Remus had chosen for the two of them.

Teddy'd wandered into the living room. "Hey, you've got PlayStation! What games do you have?"

Remus spun around. "Teddy," he said, "that's a rude question."

Severus grinned. "You're not a gamer, are you?" At Remus' shaken head, he called to Teddy. "I've set up Final Fantasy for you, if you want." He laughed at Remus' expression. "Oh stop. Never tell me you disapprove?"

Remus shook his head. "No, but, well... I just hadn't expected you to be a gamer."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Why not? A serious writer couldn't _possibly_ be interested in something so plebian as _video games_?" He couldn't ignore his slight disappointment that Remus was still judgmental.

"Heh," Remus laughed, looking chagrined. "Not exactly. I hadn't thought of it that way. It was more that, well, you seem sophisticated and refined and I hadn't put that together with, you know, you're writing a series of fantasy novels with orcs and goblins." He paused, then ran a hand over his face. "That didn't come out right." He sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island. 

"I'm not... I don't think games are bad. I just – you know how you get a mental image of a person and then you get to know them and they're just not quite what you expected? How and who they are is great and interesting, but they're just different from what you thought they'd be?" He sighed. "I'm making this worse, aren't I?"

To his surprise, Severus was amused and touched. "People never are who one thinks they are." He shook his head. "Want a cup of tea before we go out for that walk?"

"Yes, please." Remus sounded strained. "I'll just go get Teddy."

"No, leave him. He can't get up to anything bad." He filled the kettle and turned it on. "You take milk, right?"

"And sugar," Remus said. 

"Have you ever played any video games?" Severus wasn't going to leave this – he wasn't sure why he wanted Remus to know more about what he liked to do for fun, but it felt important.

"No. I haven't really had time, honestly. I spend most of my free time chasing him," he nodded in the direction of the living room. 

_And once a month you spend some of that non–free time as a wolf,_ Severus thought. He led the way into the living room. Teddy was sitting on a couch facing a large telly, with a controller in his hands. 

"Teddy. Want to show your father the game?" Severus sat down in the side chair. 

"Really? Cool," said Teddy, face alight. "Daddy. Come sit here and I'll show you." Remus sat down next to him and Severus was sorry to see that his shoulders were still tense. "Okay. See? I'm the guy there, the one with the big knife and the stupid cuffs. I don't have much stuff yet, but I can get it." He shifted something and the screen changed. "There's the map. I can move.. see? I move this," his fingers moved on the controller. "And then my character – Zidane – moves around." 

He showed Remus more about the game, and Severus was impressed to see how quickly he learned what to do. As he watched, Remus started saying things like, "Don't forget to get that guy there!" and "Is that something you should pick up?"

After an hour had gone by, Severus got up and went to make another pot of tea, grinning. He had a feeling he'd just found another person to play with. Standing in the kitchen listening to Remus and Teddy arguing cheerfully in the living room over whether they should follow the other characters into an old building, Severus felt a rush of happiness. He remembered the delightful feeling of the hug he'd given Remus when he'd said good bye the other day. This feeling of contentment and warmth was followed by a sudden sense of dread. 

This was _Remus Lupin_. Remus knew him, knew all about him and his history. And there was still the spell that Black and Potter had cast; Severus still didn't know what to do about that. The book hadn't been as helpful as he'd have hoped. There wasn't very much information about the actual effects of the spell, and there was nothing about undoing it. 

As he stood at the sink looking through the window into his field at the side of the house, he felt two arms slide along his shoulders. He jumped and the hands withdrew. 

"Oh, I'm just..." Remus stood a few steps away, looking intensely uncomfortable.

"No," Severus said, the warmth returning. "Come here." He held out a hand and pulled Remus closer. He was surprised when Remus didn't seem to know what to do with his own hands, but after a second, they settled on Severus' hips. "Is Teddy still playing?" he whispered. The thought that this might not be a good idea floated through his mind, but he ignored it. He was a Slytherin; he'd make this work out to his advantage somehow. He'd even make it work out for Remus as well, he promised himself.

"Yes," Remus whispered back. He was stiff, and it occurred to Severus that he might not have dated much since Tonks died. He'd said several times that he hadn't had time to do much while Teddy was younger, so that probably included dating. Well, Teddy was old enough to entertain himself now, so Severus thought that it was time for Remus to do the same. 

He leaned forward and kissed Remus, thinking fleetingly that he was glad the other man had shaved off that atrocity of a mustache. Remus shivered, but didn't return the kiss, so Severus pulled back and looked at him. 

"I, erm," Remus was distractingly pink-cheeked. "I've never done this."

"You can't tell me you made that child in there without _kissing_?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer, then closed it and his eyes. Without opening them, he whispered, "Men. I've never done anything like this with men. A man."

Severus stopped moving. "You're _straight_?" He released Remus immediately, pushing him away.

"I'm not sure." Remus looked mortified. His face was flushed, and he shifted on his feet. He tried crossing his arms but then dropped them and shoved his hands in his trouser pockets. Severus' eyes caught on the now-obvious bulge in his crotch. 

"You're … not sure." He tried to keep his voice down.

"I'd have said that I was straight, yes," Remus started, also clearly working to keep his voice down. "Only, then I met you and …" He spun around in place. "And then you were... are all I can think about. You're interesting and funny and smart and never quite what I expect." He glanced at the living room door, where Teddy was now narrating a fight to himself. "And I find you very attractive. Um. _Physically_ attractive."

Severus took a long breath. This hadn't been what he'd expected. No part of getting to know Remus was anything like what he'd have thought it would be, if he'd thought about it. He was impressed, though, at Remus' willingness to try something that many people wouldn't be. "Well. That's quite flattering." At his words, Remus lifted his head and looked at him. "Why don't we try to see what you like?" He held his arms out and waited.

Remus looked deeply uncomfortable, but stepped forward into Severus' embrace immediately. Severus closed his arms around him and just stood quietly, letting Remus get used to being held. When Remus' body relaxed, Severus whispered, "Let's try that kiss again, shall we?"

Remus leaned into the kiss, this time. His lips pressed firmly against Severus', then when Severus pulled his body harder against his, he gasped and Severus took advantage of his open mouth. He opened his own mouth and deepened the kiss, stroking his tongue gently against Remus'. Remus moaned deep in his throat and wrapped one arm around Severus' shoulders, pinning him in place. 

Severus pulled back gently, closing his mouth and then pressing kisses along the line of Remus' jaw to his ear. Remus rewarded the slight tug of his earlobe with a gasp and a slight jerk of his hips. He jumped slightly, then shifted his hands, so they were stroking up and down Severus' back. As he did, Severus leaned back to look at him; his face was ecstatic. Severus shuddered himself. This was _all_ for him.

If Remus had never been with a man before, then all of these reactions were new and all of them were because of what he, Severus, was doing. Severus had never seen the appeal of virgins before this; now he wanted to have all of Remus' interest, all of his response. He was filled with a sudden almost violent urge to take everything from Remus immediately. He pressed his lips to the soft spot just below Remus' ear lobe, then scraped his teeth along the muscle there. 

Remus sucked in his breath, then pushed away. "Stop, you have to stop." He was panting and shaking. "I can't... if you keep going, I'll make noise and … " He leaned against the kitchen island, trying to calm himself. Severus felt equally dishevelled; he ran his hands through his hair. He stepped towards Remus, who tried to back up but hit the island. 

"Hey, Daddy," called Teddy. "You were going to get me some Tango?"

With a cough, Severus said, "I take your point."

"I'll be right there," Remus called back. He took a couple of deep breaths and cleared his throat. "Maybe we should go for that walk, yeah?"

It took a few minutes to peel Teddy off the PlayStation, but then he was happy enough to run out through Severus' back garden and down the path into the wood. He called back to Remus, "Want to see where that other path goes, this time?"

"Sure, kiddo," Remus called back and Teddy ran off. 

"You've been here before?" Severus asked, strolling along beside Remus.

"Only once, so far, but we liked it. It's a nice little patch of wood." He smiled over at Severus, then blushed and looked away again. "I wonder who owns the field there." He pointed.

"Oh, that came with the house." 

"You own it? Do you do anything with it?" 

Dinner, later, was a success. Severus made roast chicken with lemon parsley sauce and cheesy potatoes. The cheese Remus brought went very well with the one Severus had chosen at Sainsbury. He'd made a toffee pudding for afters, and he and Remus followed Teddy into the living room to watch Teddy play Final Fantasy for a while after dinner. 

It wasn't until Teddy yawned hard enough to tip himself backwards that Remus stood to leave. "Come on, kiddo," he said over Teddy's complaints. "I know you don't want to, but we have to go. We can come back and you can play more."

"I have a friend you can play with," Severus said, amused at the thought of John playing with Teddy. "In fact, why don't you come over on Saturday next week and we'll have a big dinner? I'll invite my friends and you can come and meet them."

Late that night, after he'd ruined several attempts to write chapters of the fourth book, Severus gave up and went to bed. He couldn't concentrate on anything except the way Remus had looked in his arms and the sounds he'd made. He dropped his dressing gown over the back of the chair in his bedroom and lay down in bed. He could still feel the way Remus' hands had stroked his back and the little shivers and shudders he'd given and the sounds, oh the soft and needy sounds he hadn't been able to control...

Severus' hands were wrapped around his cock, squeezing and pressing, one hand cupped over the tip, that thumb rubbing circles just below the glans and the other slowly stroking up and down, pulling the skin with it. He closed his eyes and imagined Remus' body under him; his shoulders had felt strong and his skin smelled wonderful. He managed to keep himself controlled until he remembered that no other man had ever touched that skin, that he would be the only one to ever touch it, to own it.

The thought of owning Remus, even figuratively, sent so strong a spike of pleasure up his body he bent backwards and came, the pulses of it feeling like bands around his cock and balls. He lay in his tangled blankets, panting slightly, and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Remus and Teddy fitted in with Phillip's friends better than he'd hoped. He'd worried that Phillip's friends would be unreachably literary, but then he thought of the pile of computer and video games and relaxed. Before dinner, Remus talked about world history with Alisa, who wrote a series of mystery novels Remus had seen Lydia reading and John and Teddy played Final Fantasy until Mia and Remus made them stop to eat. The dinner table was loud with happy conversation; Teddy appeared to be charming Mia into giving him extra helpings of pudding.

"So Remus," said John. "You work at the Integration Department? Alisa here has a friend who works there."

Remus turned to Alisa, who was sitting next to Phillip. "You do? Who?" He wondered if it was someone who worked in the non-Wizarding side of the office.

"An old girlfriend of mine," she said. "She preferred high-powered Town society to my little backwater. She's said it's interesting work."

Remus nodded. "I find it to be so. It can be difficult to take a variety of different cultures and see how to make them work together so that both are made stronger rather than making one or the other weaker." He finished his glass of wine. "We've had some success though and I'm hoping they continue."

"She hasn't been clear about which ethnic groups you work with." Alisa leant her chin on her hand and smiled down the table at Remus. Phillip shifted in his chair. Remus saw that he was uncomfortable with his friends quizzing him on what he did for a living, but Remus understood having friends who wanted to protect one. He found it touching that Phillip's friends clearly cared so much about him.

"There are several groups within and without the United Kingdom, but primarily we work with a small native-born population which has historically not integrated well into the mainstream of modern society." 

"You mean Wizards, don't you?" Alisa asked, her smile broadening.

Remus sat rooted to the spot. His gaze passed from Alisa's face to Phillip's. Phillip was pale and tense; the glance he shot at Alisa was venomous. 

"Daddy?" Teddy's voice fell into the sudden silence like a stone into a pond. 

"Hang on a minute, Ted," Remus said, feeling out of his depth. "Phillip? You're a Wizard?"

Phillip's nod was a bit jerky; he was as stiff as his chair.

"Well," Remus said. "That does explain several things about your books. You _are_ re-telling the Goblin Wars. Only, I don't understand what you're doing with the non-Wizarding side of things. Do you really intend to imply that the whole mess with the French and the Dutch was because Oddbek the Irascible hadn't been able to get hold of the mines in Sweden?"

"I.. you were – " Phillip started.

"Hey Daddy," Teddy called. "He _is_ the Wizard we saw. When we were hiking before. Remember? I told you I saw a man and a house." 

"You did," Remus said, still watching Phillip's face. There was something odd, here. Phillip didn't look relieved that his secret was out, he looked tenser, if that was possible. 

"I want to go back to playing the game – Daddy, I wanted to show you how far I've got. Come on – you've finished dinner!" Remus turned, smiling. Teddy hadn't stopped talking about playing on Phillip's console … thing; Remus was thinking of getting him one for Christmas. It wasn't that far off, and he'd enjoy being able to give something to Teddy that he really liked. He wouldn't be a kid for much longer and Remus wanted to hold onto the joys of being a father for as long as possible.

"Sure, cub," he said, rising from the table. "I – Mia, do you need any help in the kitchen?"

She smiled at him. "No. Thank you, Remus, but Alisa will be helping me." He heard a hint of steel in her tone.

In the living room, he sat watching while Teddy jumped and bounced about, waving the controller and pressing buttons wildly. It was amusing to see; John, who'd clearly played the game before, was controlling his character with far less abandon, but much more skill. Remus and he shared a smile at Teddy's enthusiasm – he was so involved in his character that he was trying to move him with his own body as well as the controller buttons.

Gradually, however, as Remus watched, he became aware of an argument in the kitchen. He could just hear Mia's voice cutting into someone else. Remus glanced around the room; she could only be talking to Phillip or Alisa. He doubted she'd be castigating Phillip in his own house, but... He leaned back in his chair a bit and concentrated. There were few benefits to his curse – most of the time the "benefits" weren't: who wanted extra-powerful senses of smell and hearing in a modern urban city most of the time? Now, however, he'd take every bit of hearing he could.

" – didn't think at all. What were you going to do if he – "

He couldn't hear Alisa at all; she must have been whispering or muttering her responses.

"He could have been talking about _Gypsies_ for all you knew. You're lucky that se – "

"So, Remus," said John, smiling at him from the other side of the room. "You're a wizard as well, then?"

"YEAH," Teddy shouted. "And he's a – "

"I am, yes," Remus said. "I'm surprised Phillip told you. It's not something we usually talk about." He chuckled, then continued. "Which is, I guess, something I should think about with my work – if we want to fully integrate, we'll have to start paying attention to private acceptance as well as public."

"What do you do, exactly? I mean, it's great that Phillip can stir a pot without looking, and Mia loves the self-cleaning spells he … installed? Left?"

"Cast?" Remus suggested.

"Yeah, that's good. Anyway, she loves it. She'd hated scrubbing floors and now she doesn't have to. But honestly, I can see that it would be dangerous to admit that you can do magic."

Remus nodded. "It can be, yes. However, we're working with several councils nationwide – there are, for example, water-generation spells which are invaluable in fire fighting, and since there are increasing numbers of Wizards living in non-Wizarding areas, it works out well for the Wizards to be connected to the fire departments. As volunteers, mostly." He leaned back and crossed his legs, idly watching Teddy navigate a tunnel on the telly screen.

"It's a slow process, and we're still at the very narrow end of it," he continued. "There are so many complexities to the whole thing – some Wizards don't want to integrate, many non-Wizards are resistant to the idea of magic at all. We had a difficult time, at first, not being folded into Defence, but I think we've dodged that curse for now."

John looked away from the screen for a moment. "Yeah, I can see how Defence would want you. How'd you get out of it?"

Remus laughed, ruefully. "We said no." John's glance was disbelieving. "There was more to it, yes, but ultimately we said that we couldn't be involved in the persecution of Wizards in other countries. It's one of the oldest tenets of our own international agreements, and we just, well, stuck to our wands."

"So, you Wizard types tend to stick together? That's good. Se – Muggles – Phillip calls us Muggles – "

"We're trying to change that term," Remus said. "We've been using non-Wizarding, but I'm not sure that's what we'll end up with. Anyway, I'm sorry. I interrupted. Please go on."

"And then I get this bag of gold here, see? And then I can start another adventure!" Teddy leaned on Remus' knees for a second, then grabbed the controller again. 

John laughed. "And what about me? What should I do?"

"You could keep playing," Teddy said, not looking away from the screen. 

"I'll let you go ahead without me," John said, setting his controller down. He shifted to face Remus. "Shall we get some tea while the kid stays up and gets over-excited?"

Remus laughed and stood. "That sounds excellent. As long as it's not putting Mia or Phillip out."

"No, I'm sure Phillip won't mind. He's probably brewing something already."

* * *

"You're telling me that Phillip Robards _is_ a Wizard?" Lydia stared at Remus, eyes alight. "That's wonderful. How did you find out?"

Remus sipped his tea. They were sitting in the comfortable chairs in his office; he'd waited until the evening to talk to Lydia about what he'd learned. He still felt slightly overwhelmed. It made things so much easier for himself personally – he'd not have to explain his own Wizarding abilities. He would, of course, have to tell Phillip, and soon, that he was a werewolf, but he hoped that this wouldn't be too big an obstacle for the man. He did write stories about other magical and Dark creatures; one of the secondary heroes of his books was a werewolf; perhaps he wasn't quite as prejudiced against them as would be usual.

"Well, it's sort of odd," he said. "You remember those Indian cooking classes you signed me up for? He was taking them as well." She nodded and he continued. "He was at the same cooking station as I the first class and I overheard the teacher say his name. I followed him outside and asked if he was himself. I mean," he laughed. "I mean, if he was the author and he admitted that he was."

"And then he just said he's a Wizard?" She seemed surprised.

"No. Then we had a second class and I gave him my email and then we went out for coffee and then – " 

Lydia's eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. You were out with him that Thursday when you left early, weren't you?"

He nodded and she leaned back in her chair, burying her smile in her tea mug. 

"Anyway. Right, so we met for coffee and had a nice conversation, so we thought maybe we should meet again."

"Oh really," she muttered, still smiling. 

"He came over to our house – did I tell you he lives in Bedford as well?" She shook her head, her eyes sparkling. "He came over for a walk with me and Teddy and – " he broke off, now not sure how to continue. Should he tell her about the hug, about what he'd felt then and later? 

"And it went well?" she asked.

He smiled down at his cup. "Yeah. Yeah, it did. Next, we went to walk through the woods behind his house. Oh! Right – he's the mysterious Wizard."

"The what?" She sat up again. "Mysterious?"

"Remember that day I came in and asked for a list of Wizards in Bedford because Teddy and I had gone walking and he was sure there'd been a house, but then it wasn't there again? He's that Wizard."

Lydia's face cleared. "Right. Well, that's good to know. We should get him to get Registered."

Remus paused for a moment, thinking about that. Phillip hadn't seemed at all interested in Remus' work; he'd stayed out of the conversation Remus and John had started – in fact, upon thought, Remus realised that Phillip had steered the conversation into a completely different direction entirely. "Yes," he said slowly, "I'll talk to him about it. Anyway, we had a good time there. Teddy learned to play some video games – "

"He ... _video games_?"

"I know, I was surprised as well, but Phillip plays a lot of them. He'd set up a game for Teddy to play, something not too violent. So Teddy played for a while, and, well, Phillip kissed me." He immediately took a big swallow of tea.

Lydia's face changed from interested in his story to shocked and amused. "He _kissed_ you? What happened to 'you're straight'?"

He blushed. "I guess, well, I'm not? Not entirely?"

She started laughing. "Oh, welcome to the club, Remus. Good for you – was he a good kisser?" She laughed harder at his deeper blush and fell back into her chair again. "He was! Excellent! So, when will you see him again? And when did he tell you he is a Wizard?"

Remus cleared his throat. "Erm. We went to his house for dinner the next week – "

"Wait! How long has this been going on?" Lydia still looked delighted.

Remus thought for a moment. "Dinner was yesterday, so I guess... three weeks now? Four? The cooking class is nearly over, so it must be four weeks." He paused. "No. Five. I wasn't counting the first class separately."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You sly dog." 

At that, he rubbed his face, grinning. "So, we were at dinner with him and some of his friends. They're all writers as well – I guess Mia isn't, she's John's wife, but Alisa writes mysteries, I think. I've seen you reading them. Hey, would you like to meet her? You seem to like her books!"

Lydia's face was suddenly still and a little pale. "Alisa Plunkett? Ah, no. Thanks. We've met."

Remus tumbled on with his story, not quite paying attention. "Then John asked me about the Integration Department and I gave the standard line, you know, about native populations and such and Alisa just said, 'You mean Wizards, right?'!" He stopped, feeling struck. "Wait a minute. She said she knows someone who works in this office and ... it's _you_ , isn't it? You're ... but you're straight. You're married to Stephen!"

"Bisexual, actually," she said calmly. "Alisa always was good for outing people who didn't want to be outed. She never did learn to watch her words when she wasn't writing them on a page." She sighed. "So she outed him, and, knowing her, without his permission."

Remus stared at her. He hadn't looked at it that way before. "Yes, that's exactly what she did. His friend Mia didn't seem too impressed with her about it. They had a bit of an argument about it after we'd gone back to playing the video game."

"It's no use carrying on at her about it," Lydia said. "She just doesn't learn this lesson."

"She said that she had an ex who worked here and that this ex preferred London to her backwater." He looked at Lydia and shook his head. "That's not true at all, is it? You love living in the country."

She nodded. "I'd work here just for the portkeys, so I could stay out in Jacob's Well."

He nodded. She'd been the first one of the non-Wizarding staff to use the Permanent Portkeys and she was still a staunch supporter of the plan. He was waiting for her to try to finagle some sort of non-Wizarding Apparation next. 

"He didn't seem happy about it – you know, I'd expect him to be relieved that he didn't have to tell me his Big Secret, but he was still tense. I started to ask him about the Goblin Wars, how he's using them in the books, but we got sidetracked. I'll ask him the next time we see each other."

She smirked at him. "So you will be seeing him again."

He looked away. "Of course. Teddy likes him and, well, I, erm. I did like the kiss."

"I've heard that men from Eastern Europe are wild in bed." Lydia winked.

"Eastern... Oh, no. I don't think so," Remus said, suddenly thoughtful. "He's British. I'd say he's from the north, but he's certainly from here. I wonder..."

"Can you get him to come in and talk to us about how he's managed to integrate so well – if he's playing video games and has an email account, it's clear that he's far ahead of many of the other Wizards we deal with. Maybe he's got Wizard friends who could help!"

Remus glanced at her. Something was bothering him; something was curious about this whole situation and he couldn't put his finger on just what. "I'll ask him. I think we're going to get together this weekend. He does seem to have integrated quite well."

"Well, let me know if he's interested so I can schedule meetings with some of the Integration Groups as well – I'd love to have them hear what he's got to say." She stood. "I'm off home. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget that you're meeting with Shacklebolt tomorrow."

"I won't," he said. "Have a nice night." He followed her out the door on his way home to have dinner with Teddy.

* * *

Severus looked out the window into the dimly lit street below. Alisa's flat was dark around him. He'd never been inside; it was small and cheaply furnished, with photographs she'd taken on the walls next to prints from museums. He turned from the window at the sound of her key in the lock.

"Why, Severus," Alisa said brightly over the sound of her keys dropping into a ceramic bowl on a table near the door. "How did you get in?"

"I'm a Wizard." His voice was low and menacing. "I think you have failed to understand exactly what that means." The curtains slid shut behind him and the chair he'd set in the centre of the room shot forward, catching under her knees and forcing her to sit down. He watched her face slip from amused curiosity to shock.

"Sev – " she started, but he pinched his lips together and her voice stopped. He watched the panic grow in her eyes as she tried to move or speak but couldn't.

"You think it's cute, maybe, or funny when I say I'm a Wizard? Did you think I was kidding when I said that I could do things Muggles couldn't?" He stepped towards her, looming over her, feeling the power rush through him; strength he hadn't felt, hadn't _wanted_ to feel since he'd died and woken up in his parents' house. He walked behind her, knowing that not being able to see him would frighten her more. 

He leaned forward and whispered into her ear. "You have no idea what it really means to be a Wizard. You have no comprehension of the types of spells I know, the curses I can cast. You think I'm some jolly magic-user like the ones from the pointless wastes of time you and your other friends call _role-playing games_? You know nothing, just like all the other imbecilic, thoughtless, self-centred Muggles I used to torture and kill. You have no protection against me if I choose to do that again."

At that, he moved away from her, letting her fear take over. He walked silently to her kitchen and stood leaning against the cool front of her refrigerator. He felt sick. He'd felt the tiny involuntary jerk she'd made as he'd threatened her and the rush of pleasure which filled him made him shake, first with a return of the fierce joy he'd taken all his life in threatening those who'd threatened – or harmed – him, and then with as fierce a disgust. 

Was this all he could do? Was he always to be nothing more than a torturer, a murderer? Feeling empty, he walked back into her living room and stood in front of her. Her eyes were wide and wet. He sighed. "You know nothing about my world, who I am – or was – there, what the history of that world is, whether or not I want to be known to other Wizards, whether it's safe for me – or _them_ – to know where I am. You risked everything in my life without any thought. If you were truly a friend of mine, you wouldn't tell my secrets without my permission." 

He leaned down to look directly into her eyes. "This paralysis will wear off in a few hours, but while you're sitting here, you should think about the fact that I wasn't the only person you betrayed that night. You also exposed Remus, who might very well not have wanted to discuss his Wizarding abilities at that time, but you also exposed your friend who works in Remus' office. She might not want her sexuality to be public knowledge. Your thoughtless words betrayed three people." He stood and looked at her, then looked around the empty apartment. "You're alone, aren't you, Alisa? You don't have anyone in your life – any lovers or close friends. Perhaps you should put some thought into why that is."

The crack of his Apparation filled the room. 

Once home he looked at the ingredients he'd set out for making into dinner and turned away. He couldn't eat anything now. With a feeling of deep exhaustion, he went to bed.

Two days later, Severus threw Black's book across the room and stalked into the parlor at the front of the house. The damned book didn't have any useful information at all. Sure, it named the spell, and it listed some results, but it had nothing to say about long-term effects, or removal, or whether or not it was intended as a method of revealing one's "true love" or if it was a way of controlling someone else under the _guise_ of true love.

And Alisa's betrayal had made everything more complicated. He hadn't planned on telling Remus that he was a Wizard yet. He wasn't really sure that he _had_ planned on telling him, although he knew he'd have to, eventually. He just hadn't decided when, exactly.

He sank down into a chair and buried his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. Now that Remus knew he was a Wizard, he'd want to talk about it. Severus didn't want to talk about it. He'd wanted to keep going, to be friends – and maybe more – with Remus, of all people. It had been almost a week and he hadn't heard from him; was he angry at Severus – at _Phillip_ – for not telling him?

Just then something knocked hard against the window in the kitchen over the sink. Dropping his wand into his hand, he moved quietly down the hall and peeked around the corner. Alisa's exposure had reminded Severus that the Wizarding World existed. He had no idea what was going on there and was suddenly worried. They'd think he was dead, but what else had happened? He'd have to find a way to learn about it without exposing himself.

The knock sounded again and he saw a bird banging against the glass, fierce yellow eyes glaring in at him. He opened the window; the bird flew in and circled once tightly around the room, then stooped down and landed neatly on the central island. It was midsized, with a reddish brown body and dark wings tipped with black. It held a narrow metal tube in one foot, its talons tightly wrapped around it. 

Severus held out a hand. "Is that addressed to me? I, erm, don't have any owl treats – " Then he laughed at the bird's suddenly opened beak. It looked disgusted. "Okay, no owl treats for you. I could cut off some of the lamb I was going to cook for dinner last night." The bird hopped closer, head tilted. Severus laughed again. "Lamb it is, then."

He negotiated the trade of a generous slice of lamb for the contents of the tube and sat down at the island to read, leaving the window open for the bird. There was a scroll of parchment (written on with biro, which amused him) and a print-out of a page from Mapquest. 

It was from Remus. Severus tried to ignore the rush of relief he felt. 

_Dear Phillip,_ Remus began.

_I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to get back to you. I have thought of you every day since Sunday, and Teddy is eager to continue his game. Unfortunately, there was a delegation here from India and I found myself more over-scheduled than usual. I tried to find you on the Floo, but you must have privacy blocks up. I hope that Ben doesn't bully you into giving him something expensive. He does eat owl treats, even if he pretends not to._

Severus glanced at the bird, who was standing in the sink with his lamb chunk, tearing off another bite. It looked back at him, yellow eyes flat. He grinned and turned back to the letter.

_I'll be swamped with work for the next few days. However next weekend Teddy has a half-day at school on Friday and he hasn't spent much time recently with his grandmother. I was wondering – hoping, really – that we could spend some time together, just the two of us._

_Either way, I've enclosed a map to my office, if you should ever want to stop in – many people in my staff are huge fans of your books and my assistant has asked me to ask you if you could come and give a talk, (or possibly a whole course, depending on your willingness) to various members of our staff on integration and use of non-Wizarding technologies._

_Upon thought, visiting this week wouldn't be best – we really don't have time to show you around to the depth that you deserve. Maybe we should schedule a visit for the week after next?_

_Let's discuss it next weekend? Ben will wait for a response and bring it to me._

_Remus._

Severus glanced at the map print-out and shook his head. What a thought – him giving a course on using Muggle things. With a smile, he hunted around on his desk for a piece of paper to send his response.

_Dear Remus,_

_Two full days with you sounds the very height of luxury. Would you prefer to stay in my house or yours? Or, if you are interested in true luxury, we could stay in a hotel in London._

_I know you're a competent cook – at least of Indian food – but it might be pleasant to have the opportunity to spend more time together than at a grocery shop._

_Regardless of the chosen venue, I am looking forward to seeing you again._

_Ben got a nice chunk of lamb. He's a very persuasive bird. What is he?_

_Phillip_

He stuffed his response in the tube and handed it back to Ben. "You'll get something good next time you come here, if you're prompt," he said as he gestured to the open window. Ben eyed him and hopped to the sill. He launched himself off into the sky and Severus watched his form cut through the air until he was gone in the distance.

Feeling much lighter, he went back to his desk. He'd deal with the spell Black and Potter had cast later. It was time for him to get ahead on his book if he was going to spend all of next weekend not working at all.

* * * 

Remus read the note and laughed. "Lamb," he said, looking at Ben, who was digging between his toes with his beak and didn't bother looking at him. "Trust you to insist on something special. You'll get the regular stuff from me." He set aside the note, and the decision about where to spend the time with Phillip, until that afternoon. 

When he had time, he sent Ben to Teddy to tell him he'd be home a little later than usual, then Floo'd Andromeda.

"Come through," she said. "It's been an age since you've come by. How's Teddy?"

Remus brushed himself off on her hearth and smiled. "He's very well, thanks. He's discovered video games."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Video games. Wherever did he pick those up?"

"Ah," Remus said. "That's sort of what I want to talk to you about. Remember what you said, that I should start looking for someone? Well – " 

A slow smile was blooming on her face. "You've met someone! Excellent. Come with me into the kitchen, I'll make tea and you can tell me all about her."

Remus followed her along the passage, wondering how exactly to start this conversation.

After pouring two cups of tea, she sat down facing him and smiled happily. "So, what's her name?"

Remus stared into his cup. He opened his mouth and took a breath, but stopped. After a moment he set the cup down on the table and leaned forward. "His name is Phillip. Phillip Robards. He's a writer."

Her face was still, the smile held still, then her expression shifted. "You're... _his_ name?" She set her own cup down. "I had no idea."

Remus looked away. "Neither had I. I wouldn't have ... I mean, it's not like it's something I was hiding. I ... didn't know. Andi, I know this isn't what you expected. It's not what I expected either."

She was silent for so long he looked up at her, worried that she'd be upset. When he glanced at her face, her expression was thoughtful but not unhappy. After another silent moment she said, "Are you happy? Does he make you happy?"

Remus looked at his hands again. "So far, yes. We've only just started – it's early days yet, but so far he's been great. He's good with Teddy and he's nice."

She sighed. "Well, you're very right that this isn't quite what I'd hoped for. However, if you're happy, then I'm happy. Tell me about him."

"He's a Wizard," he started, and smiled at her brightened look. "It does make things easier, doesn't it? I haven't told him yet about... me, but I was hoping to see him for some time next weekend – "

She laughed, suddenly looking young and conspiratorial. "Teddy's school has the half-day next Friday, doesn't it? You're hoping I'll be a Grandmother and have him stay the weekend so you can spend time with your new bloke." 

Remus felt himself color. "Well, yes."

"Of course. I'd love to have time with Teddy, as you well know. Does he know about you and … Phillip? Is this where he learned about video games?"

Remus left Andromeda's house in a more hopeful frame of mind than he'd expected. If Andromeda was willing to accept this change in his life, then maybe things would work out. She'd asked some questions about Phillip that he couldn't answer, though, questions which he was hoping to get answered when they time to relax and really talk. There was just the one barrier left: telling Phillip that he was a werewolf. He knew he'd have to do that at the beginning of the weekend. It wouldn't be fair to keep such a big secret if they were going to try to work things out together.

* * *

Severus waited in the small living room of the little apartment he'd chosen as a hotel. Remus had suggested some of the Wizarding hotels in the area – not the Leaky Cauldron, though Severus had been afraid, at first, that he would – but Severus had suggested that they might be more private at a Muggle one. He'd done some research (and had asked Monica) and had found a company which rented luxury apartments and had chosen one near Buckingham Palace Gardens. 

The bell rang and Severus pressed the buzzer to let Remus in. He was surprised to find he was excited and nervous. This wasn't his first time meeting someone, this wasn't even his first time meeting a possible new lover, but somehow, listening for Remus' knock on the door of the apartment, he felt like he was meeting him for the first time. 

Remus looked equally anxious, which made Severus' nerves evaporate. Remus' notes had sounded so matter of fact that Severus had lost sight of the fact that he wasn't used to any of this. He smiled at the wonder in Remus' eyes as he looked around the room.

"Hullo," Severus said, drawing him into the living room. "What do you think?"

"It's magnificent," Remus said. "I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw the outside – the plain white front makes it hard to tell what's on the inside." He lifted his overnight bag and his cheeks pinked. "Where should I put this?"

Severus pointed at the narrow stairs. "The bedroom's upstairs, but the bath is down here."

Remus nodded. "I'll put my bag upstairs for now, then, and, um..." He trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable. 

"That'll do," Severus said. He followed Remus up the stairs and laughed as Remus pulled in his breath. 

"Oh, this is wonderful," Remus said. The room was large – easily a third the size of the entire lower floor, but with a slanting roof and large window, letting in the last of the late winter sun. The window looked out over the roof-top terrace, allowing them to see along the roof-line and catch a glimpse of the Gardens at the end of the street. 

Remus put his bag on the small bureau and moved to the window. "How did you find this place?"

Severus said, in his driest tones, "Why is it surprising that I know of it?" As Remus started to splutter, he laughed. "I asked Monica, of course. I'd no idea there was anything like this here. Or anywhere." He moved next to Remus and looked out the window at the other buildings. "It does make me wonder what else is hiding in these nondescript buildings!"

Remus laughed. "True. They could be hiding anything, really." 

Severus turned and wrapped his arms around Remus. "Right now, they're hiding us." He felt Remus' shiver and pressed his body against him. Remus was muscular – Severus wondered if he worked out or if his strength was due to the lycanthropy. He pressed his lips to Remus', then began to nibble gently along the side of his chin, relishing the slight burn from the hair growing in on Remus' cheeks. 

Remus moaned when Severus bit carefully at his neck, and Severus felt his own arousal grow. Every time Remus reacted, Severus lost a little control. He knew he'd be hard pressed to go as slowly as he'd need to. He wrapped one arm around Remus' waist and the other around his shoulders, burying his fingers in Remus' hair and tilting his head so he had better access to Remus' neck, which was so attractively sensitive. 

Remus' arms slid around his body, one hand pinning his head right where he wanted it. Remus' moan changed to a slight growl and Severus felt him stiffen. 

"Wait," he gasped. "There's something – I have to talk to you before we, Circe that feels so … Phillip, please. Wait."

Severus paused, then using his most seductive voice, whispered into Remus' ear. "There is nothing you can tell me at this point which will make you unattractive or undesirable. Unless you are about to tell me that you are un _willing_ , in which case I will, of course, cease this delightful activity." He bit the bone behind Remus' ear.

Remus moaned and his knees buckled slightly. "Oh Merlin, I'm not unwilling, I just … this is important, but..."

"Tell me later." He slid one hand the rest of the way down Remus' back and cupped his arse, squeezing gently. Remus' hips bucked and Severus had to clench his teeth for a moment to stop himself from pushing back. He wasn't sure why he found Remus so arousing, but everything he did, every sound he made was an aphrodisiac, making him hotter and more desperate. 

He pulled away for a moment, looking at Remus in the blue light of dusk. "You look … delicious." Remus' hair was dishevelled, his pupils were dilated and his mouth was red from kisses. There was a pink line where Severus had dragged his teeth. "I've ordered a meal for us, for later, unless you're hungry now. If you're not, I would," he could feel his breath in his throat, "I would like to take you to bed."

Remus nodded, eyes wide. "I – " he coughed. "I would like that. I think." He looked out the window, then closed the curtains. 

"I want to see you," Severus said, turning on one of the bedside lamps. The shade was deep blue, leaving the room shadowed and mysterious. "All of you." He began unbuttoning his shirt and watched Remus' face as he dropped it on the floor. Remus sucked in a deep breath and began taking off his own clothes. 

He was golden underneath, all smooth skin and soft curling hair. His legs were as strong as Severus had hoped, and his chest was deeply muscled. He stood by the side of the bed and Severus found the mixed looks of nervousness and arousal intoxicating. Severus came to him and stroked him from shoulder to hip, carefully avoiding the dark brown thicket of hair between his legs. 

His cock had softened, but Severus knew that wouldn't matter; It wouldn't stay that way. "You're beautiful," he said, surprising himself with how fervently he meant the words. "Lie down."

Remus swallowed and lay back on the bed, spreading his legs. His eyes were dark and worried now, so Severus smiled. "I thought we'd start with something less, erm, tricky." He pushed Remus' legs together and lay down next to him, still stroking. His own urgency had faded and now all he felt was a deep arousal and patience. He wanted this to be good. Better than good, extraordinary. Special. He wished he were worth the trust Remus was putting in him; he wished he really _were_ Phillip Robards. 

With a sigh, knowing that he'd have to tell Remus who he really was after this weekend, he lowered his mouth to Remus' chest and licked one of the flat brown nipples peeking out of the hair. Remus relaxed under him, shifting slightly. His nipple perked up, tightening into a fierce little point. Remus shifted and reached out a hand, first just laying it on Severus' side, then stroking up and down.

After several minutes, they moved into the centre of the bed. Severus sucked on Remus' nipples, moving back and forth between them, and Remus' hands found their way to Severus own. He pinched them gently, then when that made Severus arch up into his hands, he pulled and twisted, harder than Severus had thought he'd be willing to do.

Severus broke off, panting. He looked up and down Remus' body – he'd been right. That cock had come back up; it was fully erect now, bobbing slightly with Remus' breath and heavy pulse. His own cock was equally hard. He reached out and wrapped his fingers around Remus' shaft.

Remus grunted and his hips thrust forward. His eyes were tightly closed and he was biting his bottom lip so hard it had gone white. Severus let go and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Ah. Yes, just... I'm … god. It was never like this... I'm trying..." he broke off, eyes open now. His pupils were so dilated that Severus almost couldn't see the iris at all; his eyes reflected back green, like an animal's. Severus' own arousal crashed over him again and he gasped.

"Touch me," he said, guiding Remus' hand to his own prick. "And I'll touch you." They lay facing each other, mouths connected, tongues sliding, fingers shifting and moving. Remus felt hard and tight next to him, his fingers were different, were sure and strong and Severus could feel himself getting dizzy. He stroked Remus harder, listening to the sounds he made and feeling his body twitch and move until it all came to a head and Remus' hand clenched down on Severus. 

"Oh … oh Phillip oh just right there please yes now I can't..." He convulsed, his cock pulsing hard thick streams of liquid onto the sheets between them. The feel of the fluid hitting his own skin, tipped Severus over the edge into his own orgasm and the world spun around him.

They lay sprawled on the bed until there was a knock at the door. Severus sat up, pressing Remus back onto the bed. He pulled his wand from his shirt on the floor and whispered, " _Evanesco_. There. That'll be dinner." He moved to the closet and pulled out a terry-lined silk dressing gown. "There's another dressing gown here for you. Come down when you're ready?" Remus nodded at him and watched as he left the room.

Downstairs, Severus let the staff member bring in the wheeled cart and watched as she unloaded the trays of food onto the counters in the miniscule kitchen. She smiled at him and whispered "thank you" when he handed her a tip. As she closed the door behind her, he heard Remus' steps on the stairs. 

"I … freshened up," he said. "This smells fantastic." He'd put the dressing gown on in a bit of a hurry, and the collar was tucked under. Severus pulled it out and straightened it, then, because he could, he leaned in and kissed Remus. 

"It's from the restaurant in the hotel – I think they said something about venison carpaccio and roast lamb." He grinned at Remus' delighted look. "I ordered the … dessert sampler. I remember your sweet tooth." He lifted two of the lids and nodded. "This one's the carpaccio. I think the plates and settings are over there – can you check? I'll pour the wine." 

Over dinner, he worked to keep the conversation light – he didn't want to let Remus start talking about anything serious. The weekend had become, for him, a retreat from the world. He knew he'd have to tell Remus who he was and he'd have to deal with the spell. He'd also have to find out what was going on in the Wizarding world. He'd hidden from it for long enough, but he wanted this one last weekend.

Remus swiped his finger around his sweets plate, gathering up all the crumbs. "Phillip," he said, his voice contemplative. "There are things we should talk about." 

Severus sighed. He propped his arm on the table and let his chin sink into his hand. "I know. Let's put it off. I know there are things to discuss, but let's take this time, these two days, and just," he paused and licked his lips. "Let's explore each other. We can let the rest of the world in on Monday. For now let's just pretend we're the only people who exist."

Remus' eyes darkened and Severus stood up. "Leave the plates. We'll clean up later." He took Remus' hands and drew him back up the stairs.

* * *

Remus sighed happily. It had been a wonderful weekend. Phillip had been right to suggest they spend the weekend without worrying over things in the outside world. It had been wonderful – a true vacation. Plus, he thought, looking down at where the small bite mark on his thigh was hidden by his jeans, he'd learned an awful lot about sex. 

He finished shoving his things into his overnight bag, checked everywhere in the bedroom to make sure he'd got all his stuff, and trotted down stairs. "Phillip? We're all cleared out, upstairs. I'm going to have to get Teddy soon – Andi's always happy to have him, but I said I'd have dinner with them and I think there's something I forgot at the office, so I'll have to stop in there." He leaned on the wall, watching Phillip move in the small kitchen. The staff would clean up, but Phillip seemed incapable of leaving a mess. Remus found it endearing. 

Phillip smiled at him as he dried his hands. "I'll probably be chained to my computer for a couple of days – I have to get another chapter written. I'll email you tomorrow?"

Remus nodded and stepped forward to kiss him. It felt very bold still, to just kiss Phillip whenever he wanted, but he loved the way he would just stop everything he was doing and concentrate on their kiss. He still smelled wonderful – that same heady, familiar scent. 

"Mmmm," he muttered, as they pulled apart. "I'll email you. Or you'll email me. Something. Soon." Phillip smiled at him and he chuckled. "Okay. If I don't go now, I won't go. We'll talk soon." 

He Apparated from the living room and landed in the dark mews near Andromeda's house. He walked down the street to her house, feeling better than he'd felt in years. Even being with Dora hadn't been quite this happy; the spectre of the war and the death surrounding them darkened the short time they'd had together. 

Andromeda served sausage casserole with mushy peas and salad. Remus smiled at the homey food when compared with the exotic things he and Phillip had eaten. Teddy was excitedly telling Remus about what they'd done over the weekend – apparently he'd got to stay up late and they'd gone out to get ice cream at the fancy shop near-by. He _had_ done his schoolwork, he said, and over his shoulder, Andromeda smiled. 

As Teddy was gathering up his things upstairs, she turned to Remus. "You look … well."

He blushed. "Thank you. We had a lovely time. He's quite interesting." There was an alarming series of thuds from Teddy's room and they both flinched but determinedly ignored them. "You two seem to have had a good visit."

She laughed and patted his arm. "We did. He is a lovely boy. We spent some time in the park and I believe he's fondled every item in Quality Quidditch. He's good taste in brooms, I'll grant him that."

He smirked. "Takes after his mother, then. I was never much good on them."

Teddy thumped his way down the stairs, his bag over his shoulder. "Ready, Daddy." He hugged Andromeda and pulled her down to whisper in her ear. She glanced at Remus and laughed. He raised a questioning eyebrow and she shook her head.

"Christmas is coming, you know." 

"Ah yes. I'll have to think of something suitably chintzy for you." The first year he'd been married to Dora, he'd still been poor; all he'd been able to give to his new, disapproving mother-in-law was a small glass ornament for the tree. It had come from a non-Wizarding op-shop and he'd added an enchantment to it to make it sparkle and float. She'd been polite to his face, but he'd over-heard her comment to her husband that it was terribly chintzy. It was now something of a joke between them; the ornament was always given a prominent place on her holiday tree. 

"Hey cub," he said as they walked down the street to the Apparation point, "I've got to pick something up from the office, so we're going there first."

Teddy nodded and bounced ahead, down into the dark narrow alley. One sharp cracking sound later, they stepped out from behind the trees around the corner from his office. The corridor past the security guard was entirely empty and Teddy galloped down the length of it to Remus' office door. Remus followed at a more sedate pace and tapped the locked knob with his wand.

Inside, he flicked on the electric room lights and started down the hall towards his private office. Teddy stayed in the reception area, looking at the trinkets on the receptionist's desk. When Remus came out of his office with the files he'd need to read that night, Teddy looked up at him.

"Hey Daddy, you know what?"

Remus smiled. This was an old game. "No, what?"

"The guy in that painting, up there?" Teddy pointed up at the portrait on the wall. "He looks kind of like Phillip, doesn't he? Grandma said you were spending time with him. Are you dating him?"

Remus felt suddenly cold, as if someone had poured ice water over his head. He turned and looked at the portrait of Severus Snape. It didn't just look like Phillip Robards, it _was_ Phillip Robards. He thought about Phillip, about the things he'd said, the things he'd _avoided_ saying, avoided talking about. 

Of course he didn't want to talk about anything serious, anything from the outside world. He'd known exactly what Remus had wanted to talk about. He hadn't needed to be told.

"Daddy? Are you all right?" Teddy stood in front of him, his hand on Remus' arm. His expression was deeply worried. Remus had the impression that he might have been trying to get his attention for a little while.

Remus pulled in a breath, only then realising that he hadn't been breathing at all. "I'm –" He broke off and coughed. "I'm fine, Ted. Thank you. I, erm, hadn't noticed the similarity before." He risked one more glance at the portrait, at _Severus_ , and turned back to Teddy's anxious face. "Let's get home then, shall we?"

He went through the bed-time rituals with Teddy mechanically; once he was alone in the living room he sat in his chair and stared straight ahead. He couldn't quite form complete thoughts. He'd start with one thought and catch himself several minutes later not sure quite what he'd been thinking about. 

He wondered what Severus had gotten out of pretending to be friends with him and being so nice to Teddy. He wondered how he'd made friends with non-Wizards, or if they were other Wizards under disguise spells. He wondered what sort of spell Severus was using to disguise himself; it was oddly thin, but strangely powerful.

Some time around two in the morning, he allowed himself to wonder why Severus had been so gentle with him, what Severus had gotten from having sex with … he couldn't think further. Every time he tried to figure it out, he stopped breathing. His skin crawled with humiliation and disgust. He'd been taken advantage of, lied to.

Eventually, he went upstairs and lay down in his bed. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep, but he could at least pretend.

* * *

Severus spent all of Monday buried in writing. He'd spent the last of Sunday evening doing errands – shopping for the week, refreshing the housekeeping spells. Sunday night he lay in bed, thinking of Remus and trying to figure out how to tell him who he really was. He hadn't had any bright ideas by Monday morning, but his story was flowing well, so he lost sight of his own life in the complexities of his characters'.

He didn't come out of his computer screen until it was well dark on Monday evening. He stretched and twisted, trying to get his back to unkink. He loved it when the story was flowing, but it wasn't comfortable when he stood up again. He was ravenous, so he went down to the kitchen to make dinner. While his lemon-marinated chicken thighs were baking, he sat down at the kitchen island and opened his laptop. As he'd hoped, there was an email from Remus.

_To: Brewingbooks_  
From: Howlingmad  
Subject: WE NEED TO TALK  
Body: Severus. 

Severus recoiled. "Oh shit," he whispered. How had Remus found out? Had Remus known all along? Had Remus been stringing him along, lying to him? Was all of this mockery, the way it had been when they were in school? He'd thought Remus hadn't been active in the pranks of the others, but …

He leaned back and stared up at his ceiling. He hadn't renewed the dusting or cobweb-banishment spells, he noted idly. _Fuck!_ He knew Remus hadn't been lying to him. Remus worked on mixing Muggle and Wizarding societies, and he hadn't flinched at all when Alisa had exposed him. He'd even tried to tell Severus – well, tell _Phillip_ – that he was a werewolf, which might have mattered to someone who didn't already know. 

The timer on his oven _dinged_ and Severus turned it off, not bothering to get the chicken out. He couldn't eat now; he felt slightly ill.

He had to respond to the email, but he didn't know what to say. Yes, they needed to talk, about more than just who Severus really was. With a sigh, he pulled on a coat, wrapped a muffler around his neck and stepped out into his back garden. He walked slowly up the path and through the gate onto the path between the little wood and his field. The field was barren now; the cold wind had laid a light pattern of frost over the stubble. 

As he stood watching the empty field, he leaned against the stone wall. Something heavy in his coat shifted and he put his hand into the inside pocket. It was Black's book. He pulled it out, brows drawn down in curiosity. The last time he'd read through the book he'd been in the house and he'd thrown it – he remembered clearly stalking off and leaving it. How had it got here, back into his coat?

It lay in his hands, the green cover black in the thin moonlight. The yellow writing seemed sharper than usual, as if the vertical lines were all reaching up, pointing somewhere. He looked up and saw that they were pointing to a figure standing across the field. The world was silent; Severus could hear nothing as the man moved smoothly across the field towards him. Soon he was close enough for Severus to see his face. 

It was Remus, face grey and tired. "You _are_ Severus," he said, his voice a harsh whisper.

"I am," Severus replied. 

"I – " Remus stopped, his hands clenching in his jacket pockets. "I had so many questions at first, but now I don't. It's all perfectly obvious." He was slightly hunched over and Severus wanted to bring him inside, warm him up, heal his wounds. "You have well and truly paid me back now, Severus, for any and all of our past encounters." He looked into Severus' eyes and shook his head. "Good bye." He turned to go.

"That's it? You're just going to walk away?" Severus found himself unexpectedly furious. He wasn't going to be … _dismissed_ like this. They had to talk about things, they had to figure out what to do.

"There is nothing more between us, Snape." Remus' voice was stronger, but he'd stopped. He didn't turn again. 

"There is everything," Severus said. He clenched his fingers and the corners of the book bit sharply into his palms. "And there's something else, something you don't know about."

"I don't know many things, I've learned." Remus sounded tired and his shoulders rounded more. 

Severus felt his temper begin to fray and he Apparated to face Remus. "Don't be stupid, Lupin. Look at this." He thrust the book at Remus, who stepped back. "Take it," Severus snapped, "and look on page 98."

Remus sighed and took the book. Severus felt a shock run up his arm when Remus touched it and by the way Remus' breath caught, he felt it as well. He let go quickly, dropping the book on the ground, and glared at Severus. "What was that about? Something else to cause me trouble?"

Severus was looking at the book. "That blasted cur!" He bent and picked it up, holding it out to Remus again. "Does it repeat?"

Remus raised his eyebrows, but willingly held his side of the book. Nothing happened. "Was it supposed to repeat? It's not cursed, is it?" He turned the book to read the title. " _Verum Ostendere et Perpicuae_ Truth telling, is it?"

"More like revealing, I think. And if you thought it might be cursed, why would you risk touching it again?" Severus crossed his arms, tucking his cold fingertips under them. 

Remus smiled slightly, the edges of it very bitter. "Werewolf, remember? Not many curses can get through, once the bite sets in." He paused, looking away from Severus; his face was a sudden mask of grief. "Oddly useful, but never quite a benefit," he whispered. 

Severus suddenly wondered what had happened, why that idiotic pink-haired girl was dead. She might have been clumsy, but she'd been a good Auror and her defensive spells had never been weak. 

Remus had flipped the book open and was reading the spell Severus had pointed out. " _'To Share and Control the Dreams of your True Love'_?" He went suddenly still and Severus felt his attention sharpen. "Tell me everything," he said sharply. "What is this about? Did you cast this?"

Severus shook his head. "I'm freezing, you're cold and my house is right there. I'm having this conversation inside, like a sensible Wizard." He strode past Remus, who fell in beside him. "I'll tell you everything I know about it, but first I'm making tea."

Remus laughed, a short bark. "Very British of you."

Inside, Remus sat at the kitchen island while Severus moved around the room making tea. Remus looked around the kitchen as if seeing it for the first time. Severus wished he could tell what the other man was thinking. He'd never understand Remus, no matter how much he tried. 

After a few moments, Remus said, "I'm surprised you have so many electrical appliances – non-Wizarding things, you know. You always were a die-hard 'magic first and only' type."

"Yes, well, things change," Severus snapped, then sighed, leaning heavily on the sink. "No, don't answer that. I was, but then after I died, things changed." He could see Remus' face reflect in the window over the sink. He was mouthing the word "died?"

Severus chuckled, suddenly, turning to lean back against the counter. "Yes, Remus. Died. Riddle's blasted snake tore my throat out and I bled to death in front of Albus' golden boy on the floor of your Shack."

"Harry was very upset that we couldn't recover your body. You, erm, don't seem very..."

"Dead? No," Severus drawled. "I woke up in my parents' house in Corfu and spent a long time there, recuperating. I still don't know everything my mam did to save me."

Remus looked deeply thoughtful. "Corfu is in Greece, isn't it? Your mam, would she be smallish, with long greying dark hair, dark eyes and a strict understanding of the differences between Wizard and non?"

Severus raised his eyebrows. "That could be a description of her, yes."

Remus laughed. "I think I've met her. She came – there was a group in from Greece and one older Witch quizzed me about the portrait in the reception area. She was very upset at first; she seemed to think we'd chosen the subject thoughtlessly. It took quite some explanation to get her to calm down. I think she believed me in the end."

Severus shrugged. "Why would that mean it was my mam?"

"Because the portrait is of you, of course." Remus' face was calm; Severus couldn't read anything from it. 

"Me! Why would you have a portrait of me in your office? Have I ever indicated that I'm interested in 'integrating' with the Muggle world?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "One of the main goals of the Integration Department is to reduce the stigma of having mixed parentage. We want to make 'Muggle-born' or 'Mudblood' pointless terms; there is no functional difference, except for magical ability, between Wizards and non-Wizards. You yourself knew someone who was very powerful magically herself, but was daughter to two non-Wizards and sister to a non-Wizard. She was the victim of prejudice and cruelty based on her parentage, as you might remember." Remus looked stern. 

Severus turned to pour the boiling water from the kettle into the tea pot. He knew exactly of whom Remus was speaking and he would _not_ rise to that bait.

"However," Remus continued, his voice slightly softer. "There are other people in our history whose lives would have been made immeasurably better if the prejudice against mixed marriages hadn't existed. For example, the brilliant young son of an intelligent Witch and a non-Wizarding man, who found himself struggling, both because his family was poor and because his peers rejected him based on the fact of his 'mixed blood', as if _blood_ has anything to do with it." 

"My da is very intelligent as well, I'll have you know." Severus pulled his shoulders back.

"I'm sure he is," Remus replied blandly, "to have produced you. And to have attracted your mother's attention; she doesn't seem the type to weather fools easily."

At that, Severus laughed. "No, mam's not easy on the idiotic."

"I can't imagine where you picked up that trait," Remus muttered, not quite softly enough to be unheard. 

The tea was ready and Severus poured two large mugs. He set out a bowl of sugar and pulled a little jug of cream from the fridge. Suddenly he was hungry again. "Would you like something to eat?"

Remus looked up from stirring his tea. "I don't want to put you out."

"I haven't eaten – I got your email and... " he looked away, reminded of the fact that they were here to have it out and then they wouldn't see each other anymore. By the look on Remus' face, he'd had the same reminder. Severus closed his eyes for a second. "I have some chicken in the oven. We could have sandwiches?"

"I could eat, yes." Remus allowed. Then he continued, as if he couldn't stop himself. "I haven't been able to eat all day."

Severus nodded. "There's still a lot to talk about, anyway, and figure out. Read the rest of page 98 and I'll get the food ready."

* * *

Remus watched Severus move around his kitchen gathering plates and bread and wondered why nothing was ever what he expected. He still felt like Phillip, like the man he'd thought he was getting closer to, only now there was the barrier of knowing who he really was. It was typical of his life that every time he had something good, it ended up decayed on the inside.

In a funny way, knowing Phillip was really Severus would have made some things easier – Severus had been through many of the same things, so he wouldn't have had to explain why some nights he couldn't sleep because his dreams were filled with broken bodies and sharp teeth, or why he made sure to re-cast his rat-repelling charms every week, even though he knew he didn't need to. 

Only, Severus also never did anything for anyone else's benefit. Even when things would have been easier if he'd been willing to bend, he'd been unrelentingly rigid. Remus couldn't understand what Severus thought he could get from doing this to him.

With a sigh, Remus turned to the book Severus wanted him to read. It was a curse, this dream control spell, that was clear from the incantation. There was something odd about the ingredients for the associated potion – at the very least, it was odd that there _was_ an associated potion. Most spells were either one or the other. He got to the foot of the page and turned it, looking for the rest of the instructions. The next page had a spell for changing entrails to show the future you needed rather than the one you wanted.

"Where's the rest?" he asked. Severus set two filled plates down on the island and laughed darkly. 

"That's all of it," he said. "I've been through that book backwards and forwards and there's nothing else. I've even sent to La Bibliotheque in Paris and not only have they not heard of the spell, they haven't heard of the book."

Remus stopped in the middle of his first bite. "They haven't? But they have a copy of every..."

Severus chewed, calmly. After he swallowed, he said, "No, they don't. I have two books in the house right now that they've never even heard of. Hogwarts is a funny place."

"Hogwarts?" Remus stared at him. "You've been back to Hogwarts?"

"Yes," Severus said. "I went in summer, when it was empty."

Remus was confused. For someone who seemed to be completely separated from the Wizarding world, going to Hogwarts seemed very brazen. "I suppose you saw Minerva whilst you were there?"

Severus' face contracted and Remus wondered what had gone on between them. "No, I didn't," he said. "I only saw Aberforth." He finished the last of his sandwich and shoved the plate aside. "I went for research – the other unknown book is one I needed for my work. It wasn't until I was deep into the Restricted section that I remembered Black telling me about that book." He gestured at the one at Remus' elbow.

Remus' confusion deepened. "Black? You... wait, you were talking to _Sirius_?"

"I was dead, remember?" Severus seemed amused at Remus' confusion, but only for a minute. "I didn't remember it clearly for a long time, but while I was dead, I saw your friend Black. Only, I didn't know it was him until I saw the book in the library."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Well, that made no sense at all. Care to try again?" It was far too easy to fall into the pattern of banter and friendship that he'd been growing with Phillip. He looked down at his half-eaten sandwich. He would _not_ let himself fall further in love with someone who didn't even exist.

"I died. I don't remember that part, actually," Severus said. His eyes were inward looking as he remembered. "I remember being in a corridor, lined with doors. At first it was dismal – dirty and with cracked walls, but then this man came, saying he had something to tell me. He dragged me along to another part of the corridor until he found a door he said was mine." Severus glanced at Remus and Remus wondered what he was thinking, really. "The walls were nicer there; green, I think, with heavy wood door frames. Anyway, the man said that he was sorry for what he and some of his friends had done and that I should go to Hogwarts and find that book," he tapped the book. "And then he opened the door and shoved me through and I was on my back, barely alive, in Greece."

Remus stacked his own, now empty, plate on top of Severus' and brought them both to the sink. "So, you went to Hogwarts?"

Severus shook his head. "No. Not for years. I didn't even remember the conversation at first. I spent a year in Corfu, recovering in my parents' orchard. It's lovely there, sunny and warm." He leaned against the table, then sat up sharply. "I have pictures. Hold on." He moved his mouse and began clicking through folders until he found the one he wanted. "See? Like this." 

Remus stepped closer. To see the images, he needed to be close enough to Severus to feel the warmth of his body; he was almost inside the curve of Severus' arm. The pictures were brilliant; the sun was glowing almost orange in some of them. In one, the photographer was standing in the middle of a lane in an orchard, with citrus trees extending toward the sea, which could just barely be seen in the distance. Two of the trees had strange fruit; they almost seemed to be lemon-coloured tentacles. 

Remus felt slightly dizzy. He'd been here, he'd seen this, in one of his Real Dreams. "I've seen this."

Severus turned his head slightly and Remus could feel his warm breath. "You have? You've been to Greece? What part?"

"No," Remus said, stepping away. "You don't understand. I've seen _this_." He pointed at the photograph. "In my dreams." He sat down on his stool again. "In Seventh Year, I started having … dreams. I mean, I've always dreamt, the usual things, but these were different. They felt real." He closed his eyes and the images showed clearly. "There was one where I was flying over the sea, scattered with tiny little islands and a low sun. I was flying with someone, on a broom, and it was as if the world didn't end – the water and sky mixed perfectly at the horizon and the little islands reflected in the water like they were floating in air... It was beautiful."

"That's the Hebrides, or probably Arisaig," Severus said softly. "I went there with Evan after school was over."

Remus nodded, feeling unexpectedly bereft that Severus had been there with someone else. "Then, just a couple of years ago, I dreamed that photograph. I mean, I was there. I was walking along that pathway and then I turned a corner and there was a patio and I caught a glimpse of people waiting at a table, there was a meal …" He trailed off, uncomfortable. "I never did see any faces. It always felt like I was with someone, someone I knew and cared for, but I never could see their face."

Severus was staring at him and Remus looked down. Now he felt as if he'd been spying. Something occurred to him. "Wait, you're saying Sirius and James cast this on me? On _us_?"

Severus' expression flickered for a second, and Remus thought he was angry. "Yes, they did. Black did say he was sorry, but I'm not sure that quite covers it." His cheeks were flushed. "There doesn't appear to be any way to remove the spell."

"Did he cast it on me or you?" Remus felt himself getting angry again at his old friends. Hadn't Sirius ever learned? He'd thought the other boy had learned to not meddle after the disaster in Fifth Year, but apparently not. "Damn that man," he growled.

"Yes," Severus said, his voice very bland. Remus laughed; it was all too absurd. 

After a moment, they sat quietly. Finally Severus sighed. "I have no real idea what the spell does, precisely. There doesn't appear to be a way to remove it."

"It's a curse," Remus said, running his fingers under the hellebore listed in the potion ingredients.

"Yes, and I'd think it's related to the love potions as well – see the Ashwinder eggs?" Severus stood. "Come with me into my study – I've made notes."

"Of course you have," Remus said. Severus just rolled his eyes and Remus snorted softly. 

An hour later, Remus leaned back in the side chair in the study. "The thing is, you're right. There's no removing this. I'm not sure of every effect, but the dreams are certainly part of it. Sirius and James were fucking idiots, that's sure. They _knew_ I'm a werewolf and they should have known that meant that this wouldn't work right on me. What the hell were they playing at?" He yawned so hard his jaw creaked. "I'm sorry. I didn't get any sleep last night."

"We could start over tomorrow," Severus suggested, not looking at Remus.

"There's no point. There's nothing to do about it. I'm just stuck dreaming what you do, sometimes." Remus felt exhaustion sweep over him. He stood up. He didn't want to leave. He could feel his own unwillingness to leave Severus, to walk away. He'd been ready, when he'd first come here, to leave this behind. He was sure that Severus had been deliberately lying, leading him on. Why else would he pretend to be friendly?

But now that seemed premature. Maybe he hadn't been entirely pretending. He'd lied, certainly, but now Remus wasn't sure if the lying wasn't simply part of who Severus was; incapable of being entirely honest with everyone.

Across the room, Severus cleared his throat. "There's something else."

"Can it wait, Severus? I … I'm very tired. It's been a very bad day." Remus didn't know how much else he could take in any 24 hour period.

"I – it could wait, but I don't know if waiting is a good idea." Severus had turned and was facing Remus with his arms crossed tightly and his head up and back. 

Remus sighed and sank back down into his chair. "Yes?"

"About us." 

"Oh Merlin, Severus, you want to talk this out now? Okay." Remus wrapped his fingers around his knees tightly, so he could feel the tips pinch into his skin. "I'm very sorry that I wasn't experienced enough to please you, and I promise I won't use the spell to insist on remaining friends with you. I am _very_ sorry that my childhood friends were such fucking prats, but I can't do anything about that now."

Severus had gone white, as if he'd been slapped. "That... wasn't my point." He remained silent and Remus felt like shaking him.

"Just say whatever you want to say, Severus, and get it over with," he grated.

The only colour in Severus' face was on his cheeks; there were two red streaks across his cheekbones. He stepped forward carefully until he was standing in front of Remus, then he dropped into a crouch. He looked directly up into Remus' face. "I know you won't believe me but I don't want us to stop … whatever it was that we were trying."

"I... how can you say that now?" Remus could tell that he was too tired. Nothing made sense to him anymore. First Severus was lying, then he wanted to still be friends, now he might want something else? "I can't... you aren't making sense."

Severus looked at him closely. "You're exhausted. You're right, this isn't the time. Go home – no, don't. I'll take you. You'll splinch yourself if you try to Apparate now." He stood up and Remus rubbed his face with his hands. "Put your jacket back on and I'll see you home."

At his front door, Remus glanced back. Severus was standing at the kerb, watching him seriously. He lifted a hand as Remus opened the door and Remus nodded back. 

His sleep that night was heavy and dreamless.

That weekend, Teddy asked him if they could go back to Phillip's house and play video games again. Remus sat down next to him at the table and sighed.

"I don't think so, kiddo. Not this weekend." 

"I like him," Teddy said. "I think he likes you, too. He smiles at you when you're not looking."

Remus felt his chest tighten. "I liked him too, but sometimes we..." He trailed off and pressed his lips together.

"Daddy?" Teddy leaned forward over the table. "Don't worry. Sometimes friends fight. But you're still friends." 

"Where did you learn that?" Remus smiled. He loved hearing what Teddy was thinking.

"At school. We talked about how to be friends. Can I have ice cream for pudding?"

"Now? You haven't had dinner yet!" Remus shook his head. "You'll do just about anything for sweets, won't you?" He touselled Teddy's hair, which was a bright yellow.

"Why does he look so much like the guy in the painting?" 

"Ah." Remus leaned back. "Because he is the guy in the painting. Do you know the story of the man in that painting?"

Teddy nodded. "He's dead. He was a hero in the War, but sad somehow. His parents were hated – or hated him – I don't remember. He was half-Wizarding and started out as a bad guy, but turned into a good guy and then helped win the war." Most of this was said in one long rush. "But how can he be the same person as Phillip? Phillip isn't dead."

Remus nodded. "That's … mostly right. It turns out that he's not dead. His name is Severus Snape, not Phillip Robards."

Teddy looked skeptical. "But you have his books."

"Sometimes people use other names when they write books – it's called a 'pen name'." Remus paused, trying to think of how to explain this. "So his real name is Severus Snape. He – I went to Hogwarts with him."

"Why was he pretending to be dead? Is he pretending to be a non-Wizard?" Teddy sounded confused.

"I think he didn't know that everyone liked him," Remus said. "He'd been spying for the Order, but most people didn't know that, so they thought he was really a Death Eater. So, when he died, most people still didn't like him."

"But he's so nice!"

Remus laughed softly. "Yes, I think he is. But he's nicer now than he used to be. He was mean to a lot of people during the War."

"Well, yeah," Teddy said, as if this were obvious. "Spies have to be mean so no one gets too close to them. That's the only way they can be sure nobody knows their secrets." He looked deeply suspicious. "Didn't anyone watch _James Bond_?"

"James Bond didn't hide any of his secrets, kiddo. Who're you kidding?" Remus laughed, but inside he felt sad. Of course Severus hadn't been able to make any friends. He'd have had to lie to them about everything. What a terrible way to live.

* * *

"Good morning, Remus. You look like crap." Lydia crossed her arms and glared at him. "It's been two weeks and you still haven't told me, or anyone, what's wrong. You're forgetting things, you clearly aren't eating – you've lost nearly half a stone – I think you've worn that shirt for three days, and you could use a tooth freshening charm. Or a toothbrush. Or both. Talk to me."

Remus closed his eyes. His head ached. He hadn't heard from Severus – not that he'd exactly expected to – but it was still somehow disappointing. He'd been dreaming Real Dreams almost every night and now they made him ache with loss, so he'd started putting off going to bed. Finally, when he'd fallen asleep in the downstairs lounge one too many times, he'd gone to Diagon and bought a bottle of Dreamless Sleep. It wasn't restful, but at least he was getting some sleep.

"All right," he said. "Sit down?" When she was sitting across his desk, he rubbed his face and told her everything, starting with telling Andromeda about Phillip and ending with the last time he'd seen Severus and the conversation he'd had with Teddy. Her expression shifted from fury to sorrow to amusement and back to sorrow by the time he was done. 

"Oh dear," she said. "That's rather a lot. I see why you've been so cranky. You're sure there's no removing the spell?"

He shook his head. "I've spoken to a couple of the other curse-breakers I know and it's not one they've ever heard of. I think that because it's based on a truth-revealing spell, it's not going to be removable. Why would one want to remove the truth after one revealed it, after all?" He laughed, feeling hollow. "The last part of it, of course, is that it can't have taken right; lycanthropy blocks most curses, so the effects are distorted on me regardless." 

She sighed. "Listen. How about you go home early today. We can handle anything that comes up and you need the rest. Minister Shacklebolt's coming tomorrow, with that special envoy or guest or something, so you'll need to be sharp for that. Take a day off."

He shook his head. "I have to get the reports from – "

"No, you don't. I'll do that. I can do anything that needs doing, for now. _You_ need to rest. You're a wreck." She stood up. "Out. I'll see you tomorrow morning, and I expect to see you showered, brushed, in clean clothes and having eaten more than a cup of coffee."

He gave in. At home, he took a long hot shower, and then a short nap. He woke feeling more refreshed than he had since before his weekend with Phillip – with Severus. He dressed in casual, weekend clothes and Apparated into downtown Bedford. Cooking his own lunch didn't appeal, so he went to a local pub and filled up on roast beef and beer. That night, listening to Teddy chatter about school and what he wanted to do over the Christmas hols, he thought, _I'll have to give Lydia a pay rise. She was right – I needed a break._

He went to bed that night directly after Teddy and dreamed of nothing at all.

Shacklebolt was expected to arrive at about 11am the next day, so Remus got to work a little early in case there was anything from the previous day he'd need to catch up on. He submitted to Lydia's inspection, amused at her maternal behaviour. 

"I'm all right," he said. "I'll be fine."

"If I could smack that man, I would," she responded tartly. "Imagine leading you on and lying to you that way."

At eleven, there was the sound of a small commotion in the reception area, so Remus grabbed his suit jacket and stepped into the corridor to greet Shacklebolt and his guest. He was smiling as he turned the corner. Shacklebolt stood in the middle of the room, speaking animatedly to their latest interns; Remus couldn't see who he'd brought with him. 

"Hullo, Kingsley," he said. "Good to see you."

Shacklebolt grinned at him, eyes sparkling. "You too. I'm glad to see you're looking well. We've some interesting news to discuss. I've brought a guest, someone who I think should work closely with you and your department, although he's refused to be an official part of it. He's waiting in the hall, but he should be coming in any minute now."

Remus felt the back of his head begin to buzz slightly as the corridor door opened and Severus stepped through. He was dressed in full formal robes, in deep Slytherin green edged with twisted ropes of red, gold, and black. His face was calm, but Remus could see that his eyes were slightly apprehensive.

"Welcome home, Severus," he said, feeling light-headed. "We're glad you've decided to come back." He glanced away from Severus' face to see Lydia glaring fiercely. "It's complicated to come back from the dead."

The Wizarding members of his staff were all staring openly, and the non-Wizarding staff members were looking from Severus' face to his portrait. One of the younger Wizarding staffers stepped forward. "Mr Snape, it's an honor to meet one of the heroes of the War."

The expression of horror on Severus' face made Remus start laughing. He heard Shacklebolt's laughter mix with his. 

"I think that Mr Snape isn't quite used to his new status," Shacklebolt told the startled staffer. "He's agreed to discuss methods of integration with everyone on staff, however, and has several interesting new ideas for how we can expand our reach." He paused, looking about himself at the people gathered around him. "Now, I believe we should meet first with Remus."

Remus nodded. "That sounds perfect. Maria, you'll arrange for tea?" One of the staff nodded, eyes still very wide, and he led the way to his office. "Please, make yourself comfortable."

Inside his office, the mood changed. Remus turned to Shacklebolt. "I'm very sorry to do this, but I need to speak to Severus privately for a moment."

Shacklebolt raised his eyebrows. "Certainly. I'll just chat with Lydia until you're ready." He ambled to the door, then turned back for a moment. "Just so you know, this wasn't my idea. He wanted to do it this way." He pointed a blunt-tipped finger at Severus, who was standing very straight near the chairs.

When the door closed, Remus turned to Severus. "What is this about? You said you weren't interested in integration – not that I can blame you – but now you're here?"

Severus moved across the room to him. "You made me think. I'd walked away from the Wizarding World, but I shouldn't have." He looked down at his robes. "It's my home, as much as the Mugg – non-Wizarding world is. That wizard out there said I'm a 'war hero' – "

"He's too young to really know what was happening," Remus interrupted. 

"But all I did in the war was hold things back. I never made things _better_ , I just stopped making things worse." He gestured to the office around them. "You're trying to make things better, to make it so that people like Riddle can never happen again. That's what real heroes do. They _fix things._ "

Remus stared at Severus, stunned. "I have.. you're..." He took a breath and tried again. "You sacrificed everything in that fight. That was heroic, regardless of anything you say."

Severus stepped closer. "I don't want to have to sacrifice again. Can we put this behind us? Can we – can you – "

Remus nodded. "Just – don't lie to me. I can accept a lot of things, but I can't accept any more lies."

Severus flinched slightly. Remus pulled in a deep breath and slid his hand into Severus', entwining their fingers. Severus' hand clenched tightly and Remus smiled. "Now, should we tell Kingsley we've kissed and made up?"

A wicked light gleamed in Severus' eyes. "We haven't yet." Before Remus could react, he leaned forward and kissed him deeply, wrapping his free arm around Remus' shoulders. "There. Now we're done."

Shacklebolt's face was amused when he came back in. The three of them sat down in Remus' comfortable chairs.

"I gave the matter some thought," Severus said calmly, "and came to the only sensible solution. You clearly need someone capable of expanding your integration training, and I could use more connections in the Wizarding world. I have contacts with the Muggle – excuse me, _non-Wizarding_ – world, which you might find very useful in your attempts to broaden your appeal."

There was a knock at the door and Maria wheeled in a tea cart. She nodded at everyone and then closed the door behind her.

Remus sat down, feeling hopeful. "I'm certain that your contacts would be very useful; have you any thoughts about ways in which we might use them? Are you interested in writing books about Wizarding culture or other things, for publication in the non-Wizarding world?" He paused, then started to chuckle. "And I can't imagine you'll pass up the chance to publish your other books in the Wizarding world."

Severus' smirk told Remus he'd got that one right. Shacklebolt sat down across from them and filled his own cup. Remus felt his heart lift; it looked as if he and Severus had a chance to make this all work out in the end.

"Now," he said, "let's get working."

* * *

A month later, Severus stood in the living room of Remus' house and said, "You're sure about this?"

"I am if you are," Remus responded. "Your house is larger, and you have the all important game system."

Severus laughed. "That is the most important thing, of course." He looked around. "Your house is very comfortable. It's sad to give it up."

"Oh, I'm not giving it up. I bought it – I'm still making payments. I thought we might come here and stay every so often, you and I, as Teddy gets older. Or, perhaps," he paused. "Perhaps your parents could visit and stay here."

Severus stepped closer to Remus. "That would be good, I think. They haven't been back to England in many years." He rubbed his hands up and down Remus' arms. "Thank you for giving us another try."

Remus stepped into his arms and rested his chin on Severus' shoulder. "You're welcome." They were silent a moment. "You're worth it. You're a war hero, after all. And anyway, I want to know what happens next in the _Breaking Houses_ stories."

Severus laughed and pressed a kiss to Remus' temple. "I can't leave you in suspense, can I?" 

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> The Wolf Centre is real! [Wolves in the UK](http://ukwct.org.uk/)
> 
> Remus' house: [Curlew Crescent](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=52.156854,-0.468702&hl=en&num=1&t=h&vpsrc=0&z=17)
> 
> Severus' house: [Renhold](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=52.165417,-0.405618&hl=en&num=1&t=h&vpsrc=0&z=16)
> 
> Ben is a [Red Kite](http://www.cardiganshirecoastandcountry.com/birds-wildlife-red-kite.php)
> 
> Hotel on google maps street view [London Hotel](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=25-27+CATHERINE+PLACE,+LONDON+SW1E+6DU&hl=en&ll=51.499233,-0.140827&spn=0.008082,0.021136&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=41.95363,86.572266&vpsrc=6&hnear=Catherine+House,+25-27+Catherine+Pl,+London+SW1E+6DU,+United+Kingdom&t=h&z=16&layer=c&cbll=51.499264,-0.140704&panoid=aa10KoFAeX5NIiBFD4HEpQ&cbp=12,305.38,,0,-6.81)
> 
> Hotel Dinner Menu: [Fancy Dinner](http://www.redcarnationhotels.com/dynamic/downloads/document/library_menu_sept_2011-1.pdf)
> 
> Hotel Apartment information – click around! They're in the 1 bedroom. [Hotel Apartment](http://www.41hotel.com/apartments)


End file.
